


The Deal Made In Death

by annhamilton



Series: The Deal [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Post Avengers Infinity War - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dubious Consent, Gen, Mind Control, Panic Attacks, Post- Loki's death in Ifinity war, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Psychological Torture, Torture, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 18:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15913602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annhamilton/pseuds/annhamilton
Summary: After he "dies" at the hand of Thanos Loki finds himself years ago before Thor's coronation. Is this too good to be true? A second chance, to fix what he ruined. Did the events he thinks he witnessed be just a dream, could it be a terrible vision.





	1. If all our life is but a dream

Loki felt pain, he knew the afterworld would not be peaceful after all he’s done in his life. He remembered the last of his moments he felt power like never before still trying to hold on to the tesseract even though it is not in his hand the power it gives off is remarkable. He didn’t want to die he wanted to fix everything. He needed to save Thor.

“Loki.” A voice said, a very familiar voice. “Loki,” it repeated.

Loki opened his eyes and saw Thor, damnit Thanos killed him. Why was his noble brother in Hell with him? Thor should be in Valhalla having feasts with great warriors .

“We need to get him help.” No not her. “Something is wrong.”

“What is happening,”  Odin demanded.

“I don’t know.” Frigga looked at him “What do you feel.”

“Am I dead?”

“No, dear why would you think that.”

Loki realized he was on the ground, Thor held out a hand. Loki stood up by himself just to be defiant, “Just a terrible headache.”  Loki started walking towards his room.

“Are you okay Loki?” Odin’s voice carried down the hall, Loki had reached his room but froze, the concern in his father’s voice.

_Father?_

_I love you, my sons._

“I’m fine.” Loki walked into his room and slammed the door behind him, maybe that would detour Thor.

Before he could even lock the door, Thor, to no one's surprise, entered the room. Loki laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. Could it have been a vision?

“I’m here to take you to the healers.”

Loki reached back, ah yes there it is, he pulled it lose and threw it at Thor. The pillow connected beautifully with Thor’s face.

_I thought the world of you._

“Loooki” Thor whined, Loki shot Thor his best get out glare. Thor sat down on his bed anyway. “So. healers. On the King’s orders.”

Loki rolled his eyes. ”Tell him to leave me alone.”

“Come on, let's go.” Thor stood up and held a hand out, “I’ll drag you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Loki crossed his legs, and raised an eyebrow

“Loki, brother, come on. I think you’d rather not suffer being carried by you big brother.” Thor said in a teasing tone.

“Leave me alone.”

Thor grabbed his arm and pulled Loki up to his feet. Thor then had the audacity to smile.“Come on, it's for your own good,” Thor, keeping true to his word, dragged Loki to his door.

“Fine, fine. I’ll go. Just let go,” Loki broke from Thor’s hold, Loki sent a glare at Thor as he opened his door and walked down the hall.

“Smart decision,” Thor whispered as he fell in step with Loki.  “Mother and Father are waiting in the healers rooms.”

“Great,” Loki muttered sarcastically.

“Does your head still hurt?”

“No,” Loki crossed his arms and walked faster than necessary to the healer's room. Once he enters it was terribly familiar.  

The healers' room was a large room and indeed very, very familiar. As children, adolescents, and adults the brothers knew the healing rooms inside and out. From recovering from learning simple magic to weaving such a complex spell he passed out.

From jests and schemes to battles of war. Loki knew new the room, he knew of the clean-cut walls to the engraved ceiling. The tables and machines that would no doubt make Tony Stark squeal out of excitement.The fact that despite having such advanced machines they had no form of anesthesia that wasn’t a hitting you over the head or to have magic pull you painfully down into a slumber. No one really had either of those done because of pride and toxic masculinity.

Loki knew the infirmary after leaving Midgard, before his trail, a known traitor. He wondered how Thor would react if he knew the guards dragged Loki here in chains to make sure the Hulk left no lasting damage.

Loki knew the healers as a friend of The Warriors Three and Lady Sif. He knew it as a worried brother. He knew it as a prince and a hero.

He is a prince once again but was still unnerving when they side glanced because he might make something crawl out of their ears, not kill them.

“He seems fine physically, would you like us to look at his mind?” One asked      
     
“No,” Loki said

“Yes,” Odin says at the same time.

“That won’t be necessary,” Loki said harshly, his mind has a defensive spell for even the smallest breaches. Wait not him the other the one in the future since the chatari—

“It won't be invasive, my prince. Just a look at the structure of the brain, not the memories. ” He said and touched Loki’s head, then three seconds later, yes Loki was counting, he removed his hand.

“I’ve never seen anything like it.” The healer sounded astonished.

“Is he okay,” Frigga asked, she picked at her hand an action Loki know is her nervous tick.

“I’m fine.” Loki stood up and all but ran to his room not hesitating this time to lock the door and cast a spell so Thor would have a hard time breaking it. Maybe if he saw that Loki cast such a spell he would take a hint and leave him alone

Loki took a calming breath— the spell wasn’t there— he is crazy— it wasn’t real— it was— it has to be real…

Loki was tortured mentally and physically he was crushed by the Hulk, stabbed by the Dark Elves. That was real, it was.

Was it? What if you’re not a frost giant? A voice whispered dangerously hopeful in his head.

Loki jumped at the sound of Thor trying to get in, he would use his hammer in 3 2 1

“Loki—”

“Thor you need to leave me alone before I hurt you.”

“Good luck,” Volstagg came into the room. “Gettin’ past all of us.” Volstagg gestures a behind him at Fandral, Hogun, and Sif.

“Loki—” Sif started her hands in there usual position on her hips.

“Shut up,” Loki felt his madness showing though that they didn't know he was capable of. He pretended to be Odin for around three years he could act like himself before.

“Loki you seem off,” Hogun said, it was bad if Hogun notices  
.  
“See, brother I know you're not well,” Thor said a righteous smile on his face. “Even Hogun said so.”

“Thank you for pointing that out because I definitely didn't notice.” Loki sneered.

“Brother,” Thor pleads, “If you don't come with us I will get father.” Thor’s voice gets softer and Loki hates that it does, it never gets like that for anyone else. “The healers are concerned, they say your mind has a parasite of sorts.”

Loki glares at all of them, their pitying looks make him want to screen. “Then let him, I certainly don't take orders from you.”

“Brother I am older—”

You’re not my brother is on the tip of his tongue.

_Odinson._

“Get out all of you.” Loki's said barely above a whisper.

“It’s no use we’ll get the All-father. He’s just being stubborn,” Sif says as she passes Thor on the way out.

“See you at the coronation—unless you don't feel any—”Thor muttered, unsure. It seemed like everyone was so uncertain around him.

“Thor,” Loki said, turning his head to see Volstagg leave. “Of course I will be there. We have been looking forward to this since we were boys.”

“According to Mother we still are.”

_You might want to take the stairs to the left._

“We will always be her boys.” Loki looks up at Thor who looks tired and as nervous as Loki knew him to be eight years ago. “Nervous?”

“Will you please not be stubborn this one time and go with me to the healer and Mother.”

“Are you nervous?” Loki asked instead of answering. “I think I’ve only ever seen you nervous once before.”

“I’m never nervous,” Thor looks at the door and Loki knows why he recognizes the All-Father and Mother’s footfalls.

“How dare you go off like that.” Mother says as a form of greeting.

“Embarrassing,” Father says as one too.

“My mind is not troubled.” Loki walks over to the window feeling trapped—like a caged animal—a caged monster.

“It could be.” Father sounds certain— of he sounds certain he always thinks he’s right—, “do you have anything you’d like to talk about.” Loki laughs and Mother makes a surprised noise.

“Loki,” she said and touched his arm—when did she get that close— he flinched and grabbed her wrist.

Loki tries to keep the look out of his eyes he shouldn't have at this time. But the way they all look at him he knows he is not successful.

“Leave me alone all of you, I’ll have to bear your presences all of tonight so let me enjoy myself for a little bit.” Loki spits out before anyone could ask anything.

"Brother, what has happened?" Thor demanded.

"Nothing, I'm fine—"

"Bullshit," Thor swears. “I know you, Loki something is different.”

Loki breaks his eyes from his concerned family. Choosing to stare at the Bifrost instead.

_Welcome home. I saw you coming._

Loki wants to tell them he is from the future, he saw all of it, Ragnarok, Thanos— maybe he didn’t see the killing of half the universe but he knew once Thanos started his journey to get the stones it would be the end for many very soon.

NO, too much rests on his betrayal. They might still arrest him, he can’t go back to that cell.

“How many times do I have to repeat it to you,” He tone is as sharp as knives “I want to be alone, all of you, get out I have no need for any medical assistance, so stop overreacting. Get some sense it was just a headache and I am acting the same as I always act.”  

No one moves. “I don’t want to repeat myself again,” Loki readies his magic, “I will just leave but I would like to be in my room.”

“Do not speak to me like that.” Father says, “I am your Father.

“And I grow tired of this argument. My mind is fine the healer is wrong. Can we stop this nonsense? A coronation this evening ” Loki looks at Thor— he seems so young— still arrogant and full of himself— but not the desperate look Thor gave him....

_Kill away._

“He might have seen a spell I have been working on to guard my mind,” He lies, the healer is great he saw the subtle fight Loki’s self from the future battling with his past self. He was a parasite latched onto the existing brain. He wasn’t crazy, he did time travel, the very state of his mind was proof.

He could jump for joy right now, he can fix the future.

But how?

Loki needs some time to think this out, Thor needs to be banished so the plan, for now, is the same.

“Why would you work on such a spell, we have laws that forbid deep prodding,” Mother said.

“People break laws,” Loki said, he needed to get them out of his room. “I was simply preparing myself, it was just a side project. That’s why it’s incomplete”

“Why are you so distant?” Mother asked, her voice strong yet concerned and soft makes Loki remember he how much he missed her.

_Did she suffer._

He will not let her die this time.

“I am not distant,” Loki lies, he remembers at this time he was planning and worrying about every little detail getting little sleep and even less social time.

It was an outrageous plan and what ruined it was emotion, the shock of figuring out what he is made him act in rage and blow up his plan.

Now he would be a good king strengthen the relations with the Jotun, not kill, he will be a good king.

He will not fall.

He cannot fail.

* * *

 

The coronation went off without a hitch to his plan, meaning there was a hitch. The Frost Giants attempted to get the Casket Of Ancient Winters.

“I have to do something.” Thor said with room shaking determination. “Father had gone soft those monsters should face the wrath of Assgard.”

“I wholeheartedly agree, brother,” Loki sat down on the step next to Thor.

“It is not wise to be in my company right now.”

“Who said I was wise,” Loki repeated, it was so strange being here again, he remembered this moment, the look Thor gave him.

“We have to go to Jotunheim,” Thor stood up with that clarifying statement, “they have to pay for what they’ve done.”

“The All-Father forbid it.” Sif said. “It would be going against his direct orders.”

“You do not have to accompany me.” Thor said, his tone strong and his mind set.

“Well I really couldn't miss you breaking the rules.” Loki stood up, “And I always said I would fight by your side against the Frost Giants.” Loki looks out at the rest of them. “We all know you guys are going to come.”

“Of course,I’m in.” Volstagg declared followed by Fandral and Hogun echoing him.

“We could be killed for this,” Sif informed them. “But I’m in.”

Thor looks at Loki and Loki shrugs,”We’ll figure it out when we get there.”

“That's not like you.” Thor said, a huge smile on his face.  
  
“We get there and fight, lots of room for improvement.” Loki smiles with Thor, “And I make sure you have a less likely chance of getting killed.”

“I don’t need your protection.” Thor claps him on the shoulder. “Thank you all, I appreciate it.”

“You’ll make a good king if Father doesn't kill us after this,” Loki said to his brother as they walked out of the castle.

“Of course I will. And since I planned to make you my advisor, tell me, honestly, is this a good idea?” Thor asked— this wasn’t in the other timeline.

“Its rash and crazy.” Loki answered, “but sometimes those are the best decisions.”

The brothers chuckled as they went to their horses, Loki informed the guards and hopped on his horse.

The six of them rode down the Bifrost and met Heimdall— who was standing there like always.

“Are you going to let a us past or not Heimdall, I do not wish to play games,” Loki said, cutting the tricks he knows won’t work. “And I know you tire of them.”

Heimdall looked surprised but regained composure. “Never has an enemy slipped my watch. Until this day. I wish to know how that happened.”

“Well then don’t tell anyone we’re here.” Loki said harshly.

The six warriors followed Heimdall to the front of the observatory.

“I am the watchman, if you return threatens Asgard I will not open the Bifrost.”

“Why not just let it stay open?” Volstagg asked.

“If I keep the full force of the Bifrost on Jotunheim then I will destroy it and everyone on it including you.” Heimdall said. Loki mounted it with him, this was when the final piece of his puzzle was found.

“We have no wish to die.” Thor said and Loki watched him set his jaw.

“None do.”

* * *

  
The battle went exactly like before and so did Thor’s banishment he was dropped in New Mexico two days ago.

Loki stood in the vault and held the Casket in his hands his skin blue— the All-Father would be here in 3 2 1.

“Stop”

“Am I cursed?” Loki turned and his skin slowly— slower then he remembered— turned back to white.

“No.”

“Then what am I?”

“My son.”

“What more than that?” Loki hated doing this again but this caused Father to go into an Odin sleep. “The Casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day was it?”

“No,” Father says, Loki still has all that pain he’ll use it he knows the next lines to. “"In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the Temple, and I found a baby. Small for a giant's offspring, abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."

“Laufey’s son,” Loki said, he hates this.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Loki still doesn’t understand, Odin never used him. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child.”

_Your birthright was to die._

“No.” Loki said—still hates this all of it, everything he buried down coming up— “No, you took me for a purpose what was it.” He hates to desperation he still has. “Tell meeee”

“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, to bring about an alliance, to bring about permanent peace. Through you.”

“What.” Loki hates how he remembers this perfectly.

 “But those plans no longer matter.”

Loki swallows before dealiving his next line. “So I am no more than just another stolen relic locked up here until you might have use for me.”

“Why do you twist my words.”

Because that's what I am, you just don’t have the guts to say it. “You could have told me what I was from the beginning.” Loki still felt that way so it wasn’t hard to put that betrayal into his words. “Why didn’t you.”

“You’re my son, I wanted only to protect you from the truth.”

Loki felt as desperate and as hurt as he did all those years ago— the wound is still fresh— “Why, because I...I..I am the monster parents tell their children at night.” Loki knows Midgard parents will now tell stories horror stories of him to their kids.

“Don’t,” Father said. Loki hardly heard him.

“It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all those years. Because no matter how much you claim to love me you still lie. I know you still see me as a monster and who could ever  have a monster sitting on the throne of Asgard.”

Father fell to the ground and Loki bent down and hesitated to touch—he had  been a Frost Giant less than a minute ago he could freeze him.

“You won’t freeze me.” Father whispered and Loki knows he didn’t say that before and he didn’t see it coming

“Guards, guards, help.”  

Loki stood up tears in his eyes and walked as slow as he could to Mother his hand shook—he was truly back here— He opened the door and saw Mother brushing her hair.

“The Odin-sleep.” Is all Loki has to say before they are ruining down the hall to the room designed by Odin himself for the sleep.

Mother sat down in a chair and Loki took the one on the other side, Odin looked so frail and unlike him.

Loki trembled with anger— all right back at the surface— “What’s your excuse?”

“My what?”

“Why didn’t you tell me what I am?” Loki’s voice has too much desperation.

“We only ever wanted to protect you.” Mother said, he expression somewhat surprised and some other emotion Loki couldn’t read.

“Why let me and Thor plan for their genocide?” Loki never asked this before but while pondering why he hated himself so much he realized it wasn’t all because he was another race but he grew up encouraged to hate the Frost Giants.

“I don’t know, once we realized our mistake it was to late. If we told you… you… you would hate yourself.”

“To late,” Loki joked self deprecatingly.

“Loki.” She said softly and Loki wanted to kill something. “You’re king now. I hope you don’t act angrily.”

“King.” Loki repeated. “Who would’ve thought you’d let a Frost Giant on the throne of Asgard.”

“Loki,” she spoke softer than Loki deserved, “listen to me. You are not a monster.”

“Why not. I remember terrible stories of how the monsters only killed and—” Loki couldn’t continue.

Mother looked down and Loki hated this more second time.

“We love you Loki,” She looked the sleeping man between them. “So much, and in a way you will never understand, until you have kids of you own.”

“I just don’t understand,” Loki said. “Why even keep me. So he brings home a baby and you just accept it.”

Mother looked around and Loki knew he finally asked the right question. “No…no….at….at first I thought he had lost his mind from the war, than you looked so much like us and he explained it was your natural instinct as a shapeshifter to take the perfect form— because you were dying. I couldn’t turn you away not when you had those eyes.”

Loki picked at his palm, he didn’t know what ask next.

“In marriage there is the one who has to make the big decisions to take the leaps, in many ways that’s your father, he pushed me to keep you, and I am so, so happy that I heard him out.”

“I fell so—spilt” Loki said, desperation in his voice,he still does.

“I’m sorry, I cannot even imagine what your going through.” She reaches over and takes his hand. “You are my son.” She says with such conviction.

Loki feel her squeeze his hand, “I’ll tell Thor once he—” Loki tilts his head to indicate his father—”wakes up.”

“Don’t bring him back, Thor needs this.” Mother pleads with him.

“I know he does.”

What Loki doesn’t need to say hangs in the air clear as the tears in his mother’s eyes. The fear of Thor reaction.

* * *

 

 Loki walks into the throne room and takes his oh so familiar seat on the golden throne, Gungnir rests in his fingers and Loki can’t help but wonder whether he should curse Odin so he sleeps for just a tad bit longer. Also never let Thor back from Midgard.

_You’ll always be the god of mischief._

Loki’s nails dig into his palm and he remembers the stakes, Thanos, the Infinity Stones all of it. Thanos will be sending someone to go to earth with the Chatari ready to invade.

Loki can’t help but think of the scepter, his beautiful scepter, that the Other gifted him, unbeknownst to even Thanos had the Mind Stone. Loki only knew this when he overheard Banner and Thor talking on Sakkar.

The Mind Stone, The Space Stone, The Time Stone and The Reality Stone all would be on earth at the same time soon. As long as earth's mightiest heroes still assemble.

All Loki has to do is wait for the convergence. The only way to kill Thanos is to beat him at his own game and use The Stones. Maybe he would join the Avengers because now he has all of Asgard to avenge.

_But you could be more._

Loki had so much to avenge his mother his people, the universe.

Loki couldn't fall into the grasp of the Chartari

Loki couldn’t fail in his mission.

With a plan forming in his head Loki watched as The Warriors Three and Lady Sif.

Sif walked purposefully along the golden room her small heels clicked on the floor and she paid no heed to the room—she been here before— the high ceilings and marvelous statues—Loki thought he’d never see it again.

The guard rushed behind them.

“Let them.” Loki said with a wave of his hand. “The answer to your question is no.”

“Thor—,” Sif was fuming, “Has done so much for all of us, we were there right next to him and only he gets punished.”

“Are you wishing for a punishment.” Loki said, his mind having a grand time thinking of this places he could send Sif.

“I wish for you to end Thor’s banishment.” Sif stares at him disrespectfully.

_Kneel._

“I knew you to be smart, Lady Sif, we have often engaged in mental battles. Take a moment and think.”  Loki said, a glint in his eyes.

“He is your brother,” Sif argured.

“And I love him more than all of you,” Loki saw the somewhat surprised looks on their faces. “My brother, has been banished and I will not undo my predecessors last actions. No matter how much I may want him back. Once he is worthy of his power he may come back to Asgard until then do not bother me with your wishes.”

Sif looked down remembering he is king now, “Sorry,” She kneeled and looked down.

“Please leave at once Lady Sif.”

She followed his command and walked with little purpose out the door.

Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun all looked at him they were hesitant as they knelt.

“My king, we wish to know if Thor is okay.” Fandral said with a smile Loki’s heard is charming

“I will check with Heimdall later, but I warn you I cannot help him,” Loki said, he knew Thor was okay he was probably with SHIELD curentently. “Do you have any other concerns?”

“No,” Fandral looked at the other and they walked out without a word all Loki could think of was that they were thinking he was traitor putting together the pieces from Laufey’s speech.

Loki caught all the weary looks shared by the four of them, Loki falt a pang of sympathy they were not on the ship and had probably been killed by Hel.

He had some good times with them, they were his friends as well as Thor’s but Loki had always remained more distant than the rest of them.

Loki left the palace and went to seek out Heimdall to see Thor among other things. Loki rode down the Bifrost.

“What do you need, my king,” Heimdall said, Loki didn’t fool himself into thinking Heimdall is loyal, he was about as loyal as Loki.  
    
“I wish to see into the unknown.”

“May I ask why.”

“Something lurks in the distance.” Loki said vaguely and looked out at the darkness.

“We do not know if it threatens Asgard.”

“What do you know of Thanos?” Loki quits the act, Heimdall might not be loyal to the Asgard monarchy but he was to the people.  “You can speak freely.”

‘What do you know?”

“More than you think.”

Heimdall stands next to him, “Loki what is it.”

“Thanos seeks the Tesseract I want to wait until he strikes.” Loki said.

“How do you know this?” Heimdall asked.

Loki laughed, “Does it matter.”

“You have cloaked yourself from my sight.” Heimdall points out. “What have you done.”

“I’m not with Thanos.” Loki said. “I want to stop him.”

“How do you know of him?” Heimdall persisted his golden eyes meeting Loki

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you,” Loki answered—but not really, more of a half answer.

“Try me,” Heimdall said, his all seeing eyes do not leave Loki for an instant they never fail to make Loki shiver.

“You would think me mad,” Loki ovided Heimdall's gaze choosing to look out at the stars.

“Madness is in the eye of the beholder,” Heimdall’s silver-tongue is still intact. “Some think knowledge can be maddening.”

“They are right.” Loki said.

“Are they. I know all.”

“Do you,” Loki turned to fact Heimdall, “What is Thanos doing.”

Heimdall laughed , “I walked right into that one.” Heimdall chuckles again and Loki wonders if his eyes have ventured.

“He plans war but not against Asgard he too hides from my gaze but not all his followers.” Heimdall finally answers, “It is for Midgard your father know of this.”

“He seeks the tesseract.” Loki said, clasping his hands together. “I will be altered when the war comes. Make sure Thor fights if he does the hammer will deem him worthy.If Father is a awake I will join the battle on Midgard.”

“I estimate over a year.”

“Thor could use the experience,” Loki took a deep breath, “Keep your watch on the scepter after the battle.”

“Why?”

“It’s important.”

“Any chance you will tell me how you have this knowledge?” Heimdall asked.

“No. I warn you do not share the knowledge I have given you.” Loki walks past the watchman and greets his horse with a pet. “I hope you understand the importance of this.” With that Loki rode back to the palace running over his plan seventy more times.

Loki finally gets to his chambers and he is exhausted it's only been three days but he hasn’t slept a wink.

He feels the weight of lives on his shoulders and when he closes his eyes he can still see the slaughter he dies in. Died in, Loki doesn’t know.

Loki sits on his bed he wonders if he can sleep.

_Have you succeeded yet? A cold voice demands._

_“No.” Another very tired voice admits._

_“Well then finish it then only can you sleep._

Loki lays on the bed  for a long time and looks at the ceiling he is so still his muscles twitch. Loki tenses and tightens and relaxes in turn. Loki doesn’t blink often enough and his eyes water he doesn’t move he thinks of nothing and everything at once.

He passes out three hours later and has dreams that would drive innocent men to madness, but Loki is not one and he doesn’t even scream


	2. Fantastic posing greed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title according to genius is "This establishment of the meaninglessness of our life is used to reflect on humanity’s desire for materialistic value" which means that we will always want something even if or personal lives mean nothing and is (like chapter 1) from the song northern downpour from Panic! At the Disco.

Loki wakes up quickly, not taking a moment to rest in the softness of his bed. He washed up and dressed quickly. Not reveling in the hot water and the soft clothes he exchanges for his armor.

The Jotus will attack soon, unsatisfied with Thor still being alive, and not put in check by Loki and the Bifrost not destroyed. The problem was that people of Asgard don’t think he makes a good king and won't give him any respect. Loki misses the respect of being Odin. He hears the whispers of how much better Thor would’ve done, how much better the All-Father’s done.

Loki waits he has spent an eternity waiting before. He planned to spend over twenty years in his cell. He prepared for twenty years. He could do this.

The weeks passed by the people seemed surprised by how Loki acted. He sat at a council meeting as they debated war.

“We will fight when they attack us,” Loki repeated, he had been saying the same thing for weeks. 

“You don’t know that they will,” Florgah said, a long time member of this council.

“Their trade has increased with the Yrgyerifs. The main weapons makers” Loki said. “We have to stay one step ahead. We are not to wage war on the Frost Giants when they have told us they would stay out and after we did the same and sunk in to attack them” Loki paused. “But if they attack us…”  

“We have every right to slaughter ‘em,” The general Gehuisa said.

“Is it not Asgard duty to keep the peace?” Loki asked rhetorically. “Now any more question or will you prepare Asgard for war.”

Loki head a scoff from the unusually silent Mebilal who was a respected figure in the military planning of Asgard.

“Anything to add Mebilal?”

“Yes,” Mebilal said through his teeth.“You are a trickster, not a battleman.”

Loki wanted to kill him right there, Gungnir filled with his power as he called to it. “I am also king and you will do as I say.”

“Respect is earned.”

“Correct. The only reason I don’t kill you where you stand is that you have my respect.” Loki let Gungnir fully power up but did not direct it anywhere.

“You don’t have mine,” Mebilal said harshly and stood up his red outfit just asking to be covered with blood. 

“I’ve gathered that,” Loki said, standing up and stared into Mebilal eyes. “What about your plan. I have mine but I would just like to hear yours.”

“I say we bring the fight to them, and not endanger our people.”  

“And leave our defenses and fight them where they know the land and have the upper hand.”

His eyes flickered away from Loki’s and over to the wall, he twitched and opened and closed his mouth. 

“Also they believe they have the upper hand and the element of surprise we let them have that as we play weaker than we really are,” Loki said and a smirk formed on his face. But please Mebilal continue.”  

“What about the people you will endanger?” Mebilal asked. 

“Then organize a force to protect them and to keep a perimeter,” Loki ordered. “Another concern?”

“And if this doesn’t work?”

“Then we lose. And we will lose if are not a united front. Does anyone else have a problem with the plan.”

A course of no rings through and Loki smiled—an evil smile of a man who loves chaos. “Excellent.”

* * *

 

So they waited Loki had already waited a week before the meeting he waited for two more before the council doubted him. Loki ordered them to be silent and follow his orders.

Loki sat in the worn armchair his eyes unfocused as the All-Father sleeps in the bed beside him.

“They will see,” Loki monologues to the All-Father slumbering form. Loki let them in one time they would use it and attack and Loki didn’t have to risk getting caught.

Odin mumbled something and Loki didn't care if he could hear while in this state. “They always doubt me.”

Loki looked down and shuddered a sudden chill coming over him.”They will see that I can lead. I can end this war. They always doubt me. Always”  

Odin groaned in his sleep. 

Loki stood up riled up and animalistic. He walked back and forth in a fevered pace, he laughs like a madman—he is a madman—he hides his head in his forearm. He gets no respect, he remembers when people looked at him with terror—see the terror in him. 

He wants to have Asgard on its knees as he did before. He wants the people to laugh with him. He wants to have complete control over all and no one even knows it—no one fights back.  

He is in a cage a cage that The Other would be most proud of. A trap he can’t escape. He can feel the void closing in, darkness lives there, helplessness breeds there and the cold is inescapable. The feeling will make all acquainted with death.   

His heart is beating fast in his chest, the breaths coming out fast and faster as he can’t breathe. No one can breathe in the void. 

Loki imaged the insufferable counsel at his feet. Enchanted vines sewing their mouth shut and wrapping around their necks, wrists, and ankles. 

He could become a cruel king but that wasn’t important. None of this was. The end of the universe was coming. Hands shaking he opened his magic on his father. He walked on shaking legs over to beside the bed. He placed a hand on Father's head and did a spell he promised his mother he would never do. 

* * *

 

Inside Odin's head was the vault that holds the Casket. He sees himself as a child looking up at his father with tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Beauce I..I..I’m the monster people their children at night.” Odin's mind’s version of himself has a tear running down his face and squeaky voice. 

“Loki,” Father whispered and turns to face him. “What is happening” Your Mother made you promise to not venture into others heads.” 

“It all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all those years. Because no matter how much you claim to love me you still lie. I know you still see me as a monster and who could ever  have a monster sitting on the throne of Asgard.” The version of Loki said shifting to a teenage Loki and the scene pausing. 

“Why are we here?” Loki asks desperately trying to keep his voice level. “Of all places.” 

“I could’ve said something better, more comforting.” Odin muses his expression far away. 

“Comforting has never been your forte,” Loki looks at his younger self and watches as he disappears. 

“I should have been better,” Odin said, more forcefully his hand curled into fists. “I could have been better.”   

“I know. Trust me I know.” 

“What would you have done?” 

Loki is taken back with the question. He would never keep such a secret. “I wouldn't have told him stories of how the Frost Giants are soulless creatures who feed off death and darkness.” 

“I do not see you as a monster,” Odin shakes his head. “No matter how much you think so.” 

Loki sinks down on the steps. “I didn’t come here for this.” 

“They why did you?” 

Loki didn’t know why he needed to talk to Father he just got the urge. “I don’t know. I just I need to talk to you.” 

Father’s gaze softened. “About what.”

“I need you to wake up.” 

“I need to recover, my body can’t—”

“Can’t or won’t” Loki accused. “You’ve been asleep for long enough I know you can wake any moment you want.” 

“Why do you need me?” 

“The Jotuns will strike and no one will listen,” Loki admitted. “The council oppose me. They will go and get killed along with many warriors.” 

“Asgard—” 

“Will lose if we face them on their world the cold will weaken us, the area is known to them, and they will use the distraction to steal  the Casket and kill us all.”

Odin’s expression hardens. “No, they will not. Loki that is just a theory.”  

The scene shifts to a battlefield, swords, and weapons clash in a fiery battle as the Asgard army fights the Jotun. It seems to be paused at a moment. 

“I took you to bring peace but I soon found you could help us in crisis” The battle starts again and a soldier of Asgard touches the Casket and screams freezing to his death. 

Loki watches the battle stop again and finds a young Odin with two eyes,  gazing curiously at the fallen warrior’s frozen skin. 

“The Casket is a powerful weapon only Jotun’s can wield, it is a great weapon and can stop an army.” Father’s eyes lock with his. “Even the Jotuns, if you use some aesir seidr with the natural Jotun magic.”

The scene shifted to the vault and Odin holding a baby Loki’s hand over the Casket. Then they were in a grass field in Norway the one he will die in. The wind tickles his skin and the grass is wet. 

Pinks and reds filled the sky as the sunset. The ocean was eerily calm, the dark blue water still and no sounds besides the two men's breathing existed. 

“I’m a weapon—not a trophy sorry about that mistake,” Loki announced sarcastically. For the first time since he got here, he was surprised, not about yet another secret, but the information he was given. “Any other secrets? Maybe a secret Álfheimr sister?” 

Horror flashes on Odin’s face the comment hitting too close to the truth for comfort. “Loki,” he mutters tiredly. “I grow tired of these games.” 

“Why are we here?” Loki demands, this place was clearly hand-picked for him to die but this Loki doesn’t know this. 

“Sometimes at night, I would go here,” Odin doesn’t look at Loki as he talks, he just keeps staring at the sunset. “It is beautiful here.” 

“Why?” Loki asks harshly.”It's no more beautiful than Asgard.” 

The tide rolls in and the blue wash hits the rocks. The world comes to life, birds chirp and the ocean is rocked by waves. 

“It's away from Asgard, sometimes I needed a change.” Odin sits on the rock and Loki can't help but think he’s going to vanish.

Loki doesn't sit, he can't, his knees have locked. “I didn't come here to have a moment,” Loki hisses. “Not after what you’ve done to me,” Loki said it soft enough that he’s not sure Odin hears it. Loki wants to leave but find it hard to Odin must want him to stay. 

Odin takes a deep breath, his shoulders rise in the effort. “I never meant to harm you.” 

Loki throws his head back and laughs. The darkened sky is still paused at a sunset, the orange more prominent at this angle.

“Loki—” Odin sounds lost, even in his own mind where he can bend the world around them, how to help his son.

Look pressed his hips together and watches Odin with a keen gaze. His eyes focusing on the young lines of Odin’s face. He’s changed slightly from reality, less tired lines and more youthfulness. 

Loki willed his form to change to—he’s done it before while with the chatari, they’ve never seen a Frost Giant before. 

“I have been reflecting on many things,” he monologues not looking at Loki. “Do you hate yourself?” 

Odin turns his head and flinches back, it's so small Loki almost missed it. 

Loki ran a hand over the dark ancestral marks that covered his wrist. He let go not knowing if anyone would catch him. Hoping no one would. He made a play of himself so that no one would forget him. 

“It’s not that simple.” Loki shakes his head. “It never is, and it will never be.” 

“That's not an answer,” Odin said, not harsh but not gentle, just exhausted.  

“What do you want me to say?” Loki stepped forward. “That I just hate myself of that I love myself, which one will make you stop feeling sorry for yourself and help me save Asgard.” 

“The Frost Giants cannot win against—” 

“They grow more powerful than you think and if they get the Casket it's over.” 

The world shifted he was standing in front of his father desk, many chess games have been played on this table. They were still in Norway, and the sound of the waves hitting the rocks below was still heard. 

Loki took a seat across the table. “My plan is to let them it.” 

Odin’s eyes widen, its the only show of surprise he gives, “why?” 

“They know we know that they are buying more weapons it's only a matter of time until they attack,” Loki explained, feeling too much like a kid sitting at this very table his king in check and  Odin would tell him about strategy. “And if they attack us we still have our defenses and can keep a close eye on the Casket since the whole battle will be apart of a diversion.” 

“That's not all of it,” Odin accused. “What else.” 

“I will open the Bifrost on their land where the families remain and won't let up until a permanent peace is possible,” Loki remembered when he won a chess for the first time he created an outlandish plan that would only work if Odin followed his plan exactly and Odin did. 

“The Bifrost is not a weapon,” Odin said although Loki could see the wheels in his head turning and him thinking it over. 

“It can be,” Loki said leaning forward his hand gripping the table and Loki realizes he can feel pain here or at least he thinks he feels pain. 

“The generals will follow this plan, just tell them its entirety,” Odin said slowly like explaining language to a toddler. 

“No then they won’t follow me in a battle and we will lose,” Loki’s voice doesn’t rise but becomes more dangerous. 

“Then show them you can lead, you don’t need me to come to your rescue.” 

Loki slammed the table.”Now is not the time for a lesson not when Asgard hangs in the balance.” 

“They will follow you. You only have to lead.”  

Loki grits his teeth, he should just let Asgard perish but he can’t. They need to be strong when The Dark Elves come. 

“You think I want to come here and beg for your help,” Loki said. He remembered Odin's stone face as he fell, he remembered Thor’s, it was a moment burned into his brain. Odin’s face now although looking younger held that same expression. 

“I know you don’t, Loki,” Odin’s voice was soft but held an undertone of when Loki would get in trouble for a trick gone wrong and said he didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Odin’s face didn’t move but that didn’t matter they were in his mind. The colors seemed to leave the grass and sky. Walls materialized around them and they were back in the vault, Loki knew the scene haunted him he had no idea it stayed with Odin the same.

Loki stopped laughing and pressed his lips together. He traced the markings of his arm the blue skin he wore felt like every nerve was exposed and he couldn’t change back to his white smooth skin. Loki let out a broken breath. “I can’t—” 

“It’s my mind Loki I control all, and you used that skin to taunt me,” Odin said. “You made your bed you must lie in it.” 

Loki shuddered and his hands closed in fists and he let his nails dig into his palms. “I hate you.”  

“Those are strong words,” Odin said like he was a child. “Do you really mean them.” 

“Yes,” Loki’s voice shook with rage, hate and hurt. “Why are you doing this?”

“I want you to see that your form has no effect on me,” Odin said. “But you seem to be one disgusted when you are stuck in this form.” 

“I bet Thor will react with disgust, he might even kill me with his hammer.” Loki’s words were strong but his mind was unraveling thread by thread. Odin wasn’t just keeping him in this skin but in Odin's mind. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, I’m only keeping you here to talk,” Odin said gently. 

“You might as well have me in chains,” Loki whispered, his hands hurt but the more the pain flared the less his mind spun in circles. “But this cage is cleverer.” 

“I want to fix this,” Odin said not seeing his son hurting himself and not knowing what memories he’s brought up. 

“It’s not that simple,” Loki repeated from before. “It’s not as simple as forcing a child scared of the dark to sleep without a light.” 

“You always run from things, Loki,” Odin said. “Always twist and lie.” Odin took a few steps forward and now they were standing so close Loki could see the creases in the eye patch.

Loki looked him right in the eye, his red eyes deep as blood meeting Odin’s hazel eye. “So you won’t help me.” 

“No, I will be left weak from this use of magic.” Odin took Loki’s wrist, his hand so warm on his cold skin it feels like it will burn. Odin uncurls Loki’s fingers to see the marks his nails left in the blue skin. 

Odin’s fingers hit a mark on his finger the skin more sensitive there, Loki shakes but doesn’t pull back, he will never back from a challenge. Odin’s fingers explore the marks on his hand and his wrist. 

Odin takes his other hand and does the same and Loki stands as still as the marble statues that line the halls. 

“You’ve never answered my one question.” 

“The one about if I hate my self or not,” Loki clarified and Odin nodded. “It’s nothing you would ever understand.” 

“Help me to understand,” Odin insisted,  using what he and Thor called his  _ King voice. _

Loki watched as  Odin traced the dark strip that went up to his forearm with care Loki didn’t think Odin had. 

Loki smiled out of the hilarity and irony of the whole situation, “I didn’t come here for therapy. Let’s talk strategy”

“Your plan is a long shot and will only work if you're correct in your predictions.” Odin dropped Loki’s hands. 

Loki let his arms drop. “It will work and I’m correct.” 

“Unless you’ve had a vision then you don’t know,” Odin said. The walls fell down and they were standing on the Bifrost rainbow bridge. 

Loki laughed. “This was stupid, you have to see that this plan is the best way.” 

“I understand,” Odin closed his eyes and they were in the room that he picked for the Odin-Sleep. “You must show them your capable.” 

Loki was pushed out of Odin’s head and stood up on the real floor looking down at his hand to see his pale skin. Loki let out a breath to be in his real body instead of his body that he had in Odin’s special sleep. 

Loki fell to his knees and tried to convince himself he was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a long one sorry for the wait and thanks for all the nice comments and kudos as usual constructive criticism is welcome.


	3. Take it, a Shield, a Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tittle means that anything can be used to protect or to attack.  
> +Short chapter but the next will be much longer.

The high vaulted ceiling that held false carvings of Asgards history, the high ceiling was held up by marble cast walls and carved statues. The War Hall was a somber place, statues of the fallen stand in along the walls some clothed in gold and marble sculpted to look like cloth, or just naked. All posed to be holding up the ceiling, with their enemies, designed to be small as mice, crushed at their feet.

Loki knows all the names of the warriors and generals who lead great armies and perished in battles. He had to learn then, with Thor at his side and tapping the code they created on the desk to give him the answers. Loki’s fingers tap on against his leg as he walks across the room. The code isn’t unlike the Midgard’s Morse Code, Loki didn’t like that something princes of Asgard came up was used on silly missions for S.H.I.E.L.D, or at least the Hawk and Spider used it.

He remembered his birdman, who could, with a single arrow take down the flying fortress. He would have loved to have the Spider on his side but he underestimated her, he had no use for a spy, a slut, but she can do so much more. She tricked him, her silver tongue a match for his weaving half-truths and playing to stereotypes of weakness.  
The council was to at the table, made to imitate the stars, the bright contestations, and planets covered the table. They moved around in time with the orbits and Loki remembered his childlike self-wanting to explore the stars for himself, not knowing how cold the void is.

He sat at the empty table, still tapping now on the age ridden surface of the table. His mind going fast as light but in circles that lead nowhere. He was still hunted by Odin and what he did to Loki in his head. It had been a full cycle of the Sól, but Loki hadn’t slept, he didn’t even try.

His mind would not rest and would hardly focus on words on a page. So he wondered the ghost of the palace he had watched burn. He’s been here twenty-six days. Another tally mark in his mind, another day while Thor is banished and the Jotun and Dark Elves haven’t attacked yet, and Thanos still lying in wait, all the shadows in the void cloaking his army.

Loki wasn’t worried about himself, it was strange to this day not caring about his own well being. He’s shown it twice now, how much he will put his brother before himself, he was supposed to die from it both times but he still was here.

He was here waiting for the other shoe to drop, the illusion to shatter, the trick to fall apart. Nothing had happened, no one took him away in chains and no sword dropped through his head.

He was running on borrowed time, he had read about Tony Stark and his arc reactor and this was his arc reactor and he felt like it was going to crumble. Maybe he should have realized the scepter needed skin contact.  
It didn’t matter nothing did, he wondered if he could die, would it reset, did the universe need him? How cruel he could be by denying the offer of a second chance, he could let go again and no one would be around to even try and catch him.

Thanos was in his head, hunting him, haunting him, and Loki loved that every step he took was defying the Titan, just breathing was going against him, even if Thanos hadn’t realized that yet.  
Twenty-six days he could wait more out of spite. Stay at the scene of the crime out of sheer willpower to hurt the Titan that caused him the most pain. His scars will be ripped open and a supernova of emotions and feelings hang on the horizon but it had to be worth it.

A day at a time, play it by ear as the Hawk had told him.

Twenty-six days in, and the world hadn’t exploded and Loki was annoyed.

* * *

 

The Bifrost opened on Midgard, right outside S.H.I.E.L.Ds headquarters in Washington, DC.

Loki walked in, passing through security easily and opening Director Nick Fury’s door. A cold gun pressed against his forehead and the one eye of Nick Fury was glaring at him. Loki smirked but held his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“Who are you?” Fury demanded in what could only be described as a don't fuck with me, motherfucker look.

“Loki of Asgard, you may know my brother Thor.”

Fury hummed in approval and pressed the gun harder to Loki’s temple. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here to talk about the Tesseract or as you call it the Cube,” Loki said taking a step forward and Fury moved the gun back far enough for him to get in the room and close the door.  
“Now I understand that it's top secret but it is in danger.”

Furry laughed his rough voice booming in the room. “Why does some Alien care about the safety of my humble planet?”

“It concerns the entire galaxy,” Loki said. “Asgard included.”

“Ah, okay let's say I believe this shit your saying is true—”

“Then this will go a lot faster, ”Loki interrupted and Fury gave him the same look that Odin gave him when he was being a smartass.

Furry took a long breath and let his arm fall down, he walked around his desk and sat down behind it. He gestured for Loki to take a seat.  
Loki took the offer, sitting down on the chair, metal cuffs secured his wrists and two more covered his ankles and bound them to the chair.

“Mister—”

“Director,” Fury corrected, interrupting a prince of Asgard was no small feat, Loki scowled but decided to spare the man. He was much more useful alive than dead.

“Director Nicholas Joseph Fury, Director of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division. Formerly a Colonel of the United States Army and a Central Intelligence Agency operative,” Loki said smugly. Fury stared him down, only raising an eyebrow, clearly not amused by Loki’s show an intelligence. “Well, Director,” Loki stressed the word. “I’m here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.”  
Fury closed his eyes in a very long, very exasperated blink. “The Cube the Avengers Initiative, what don’t you know, Wikipedia?”

Loki smirked, unable to help himself from taking pleasure in being seven steps ahead. “There will be an attempt on the Tesseract,” Loki said keeping his head up and gaze strong on Fury. “And you must let it be vulnerable.”  
Fury ran a hand over his face, taking a deep raspy breath. “Why on Earth would I do that?”

“Because we are playing a different game,” Loki didn’t move as soldiers entered the room, guns blazing and all aimed at him. He saw Hawkeye to perched up in the high ceilings, like his namesake.  
“I don’t play games,” Fury said. “But wait—wait let me guess,” he paused for dramatic effect, “the fate of the universe hangs in the balance.”

Loki nods. “This information shouldn't be shared with soldiers,” Loki gestured around himself at the circle of guards as best he could with his fingers. In a final show of power and wit, he pointed at the Hawk, who unless being looked for wouldn’t have been spotted deep in the shadows of the high roof along the support beam of the weird exposed roof.

"I assure you I mean no harm, but four very important objects will pass through Midgard in the next four years, two are already here and drawing in anyone searching for them and there is someone looking,” Loki warned.  
Fury signaled something to Hawkeye and smirked, clasping his hands under his chin and standing up.  
“We need to verify your claims with Thor so,” Fury’s eyes flickered to the cuffs on his wrists and ankles. Fury smiled, “don’t go anywhere.”

* * *

 

Loki did move, into the holding cell designed for the Hulk, his wrists bound, he was there for hours until finally Thor and Fury entered.

“Yes, this is him,” Thor said angrily. Thor looked homeless, dressed in a faded jacket with a red plaid shirt underneath and washed out denim jeans. His blonde hair pulled back in a loose bun at the nape of his neck. “Loki, why are you here?”

“Only to give news,” Loki said. “I figured I would meet this organization that's housing and Infinity Stone and tell them just how much they're up against.”  
Thor didn’t seem to be paying attention to what Loki was saying. He just stared, wide-eyed at the cell.

“Let my brother out,” Thor said. “Please, ” he added. “He won't hurt anyone, ” Thor insisted. It had been so long since he was seen as harmless and since Thor defended him.

“Thor it’s fine, ” Loki said, his throat rough from not drinking for hours. “You can't blame them for protecting their land.”

“They have no right to chain a prince of Asgard, ” Thor said, a little helpless, with no hammer and thinking he has no power without it. He remembered the glory of Thor, lightning clinging to him, wrapping around him like vines and destroying Hela’s army.

Loki shrugged. “I’m fine, Thor, ” he spoke slowly, Thor was smarter than most gave him credit for except for when anyone he loves is threatened, then his judgment gets questionable.  
Thor stepped closer to the glass, looking ready to burst. He was taking short breaths, chest rising and falling with frustration.

The good thing about this was that he wasn't threatening anyone, not going automatically to violence means he's been humbled somewhat.

“Please, I give you my word we will not cause any harm,” Thor’s voice had an edge of desperation.

“I’m only here to deliver news,” Loki said, keeping his voice devoid of an emotional. “The All-Father has gone into his Odin-Sleep.”

“That means…” Thor's face showed that he had finally reached his revelation. “You’re king,” Thor said slowly, choosing every word carefully.  
Loki hummed in approval. Fury and another S.H.I.E.L.D agent Loki recognized as another ghost.

Phil Colson stood in a dark suit, his eyes flashing around taking in the scene. Colson put a hand in his pocket. “King, I thought that was Odun.”

“Odin,” Loki corrected. He locked eyes with Thor, who was smiling, not knowing why Loki should never have a crown on his head. “It is only temporary.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be there,” Thor said, sounding sincere. “I have met good people here and I need to stay with them. They have opened my mind to,” Thor broke off, unable to find the words. Loki knew what he meant and Thor knew Loki knew.

“I know you do, Thor,” Loki said. “You need this, I can hold down the fort,” Loki brought his chained hands up and rubbed his thumb against his nose. Loki watched, unblinking as Fury unlocked the cell.  
A S.H.I.E.L.D. agent unlocked the cuffs and Loki rubbed his wrists dramatically, he turned to face Fury not to thank him, “remember what I said.”

Fury didn’t have a look of horror on his face but the mask he wore cracked a little for Loki to see uncertainty, dancing along his features, so small, so unfamiliar to a man who is always sure.

Fury was a soldier, a colonel, and Loki, the God of mischief, but yet both have common ground, faced with the protection of people against an unseen force. It seemed poetic enough that someone should write a tragedy on how it all comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sól is the Norse god of the sun and is produced like Saul  
> In the movie Thor, it says he is stripped of his powers but in this were going with that Odin only said he had to be worthy to lift his hammer and Thor technically still has his lightning even though he doesn’t really know how to use it without his hammer (or that he has it)  
> +Thor is here= brotherly angst in the next chapter  
> +Not Thorki, but you can read it as such, there will be no romantic payoff (Like kisses and sex)  
> As always if you like what you saw leave your thoughts and feelings below, let me know and constructive criticism is appreciated.


	4. A paradox of falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING this chapter contains a Painic Attack being triggered isn't a joke and if you are triggered by that click off. Your mental health is more important than reading my story and there is no shame in turning back or skipping this chapter I will put a recap at the start of the next chapter.

 Loki and Thor were taken by a fleet of black vehicles to a run-down motel in the District of Columbia’s outskirts. It was definitely monitored by S.H.I.E.L.D and he saw familiar faces of S.H.I.E.LD agents as staff and posing as tourists staying here.

 His and Thor’s room was humble, wallpaper covered the walls and two beds, two nightstands, a closet and the door to the bathroom were all the room offered.T

horsat on the bed and the springs squeaked as they took  on his weight. Loki sat on his own bed hesitantly.

“Are you staying?” Thor asked as he relaxed against the bed.

“I can’t stay for long,” Loki muttered, he got up and started to pace. “I am king.” He reminded Thor and continued to pace along the strangely damp carpet.

“You have nothing to be nervous about.”

“The Frost Giants haven’t attacked yet, they’re late.” Loki has shown them the path, to him it was eight years ago but to the Giants, it was only a month, they should have made a move. Loki didn’t want to give Heimdall any more reason to mistrust him, but the risk could be worth it. “Too late. Why would they wait?”

"Loki,” Thor sounded tired. “Why would avoiding an attack be a bad thing?”

“Because you were there in Jotunheim, there were too many unknown factors,” Loki said and Thor still looked confused, Loki didn’t have time to spell it out for him. “Go do things to be worthy, get a puppy out of a tree, help an old lady cross the road.”

“Loki,’ Thor said not moving, even going as far as to look comfortable sitting there. “You sound mad.”

Loki laughed. “I might be.” Loki leaned against the wall and took a breath. He was a dead man from the future. Madness came with that position. ‘Thor.” He added like an afterthought. “Thor,” he said again. “I’m going to need you for what's to come.”

 Thor looked surprised, Loki never admits needing help. “With the Frost Giants.” Thor still lags helplessly behind, or Loki is too far ahead. To in over his head, Thor still on the side of sanity.

 “No.” Loki shakes his head and rests it against the wall. “No..no...no,” he was too far ahead, he’s changed things. “I don’t know,” he said aloud the words escaping his lip before he can stop them the whirlwind of his thoughts consuming his brain.

 It had been bad. It is bad. It will be bad.

 Past. Present. Future.  

 The pieces all there. He had everything for a different timeline, things he didn’t directly effect could change. A word said differently, a step not taken, or a step taken in the wrong direction.

 It wasn’t the first time this thought has dawned on him, but he was a paradox and paradoxes can create different things. It was an overwhelming feeling, the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. Thor would either die or live and it could be decided by him being here. Frigga could die because of him. Thanos waited and waited, and he could wait until Loki grows tired and dies. Is he the only thing keeping this paradox intact.

 If he was here, was the future still going, could he go to it, would it be different, is it still running on the same course. Was it paused as Loki played this game, has this all happened/is happening—would this all catch up and he would be dead—is he dead and this has all been a hail mary as he falls to the ground—-has time stopped moving forward so he can change/ is changing the past.

 Pain—his lungs straining for air. He couldn’t get the air to his lungs his breath came in short gasps. Waterboarding with air instead of water and panic the hand forcing him in and out.  

 He was—terrified—the terror you can feel in the pit of your stomach and the pounding of your chest. The fear that all you could do was stand still, fueled by instinct to flee, but you couldn’t move, so hide, hide in your skin and the shadows. Loki couldn’t move, he had to think, he had to—

 To—

 Frost Giants, Chitarai,  Dark Elves,Thanos.

He had so much to do. So much—  

 —death—  

 No time to breathe. Time. Time.

 Madness, this was madness, how a madman thinks, in circles.

 —pain—  

 It hurt, it hurt. His heart pounded, his—his—his...

 —Lungs—-heart—head—  

  _“Loki”_ Thor said realizing something was wrong.

 He couldn’t catch his breath, he could on gasp and take quick tastes of air. His stomach was in knots and if he had eaten anything it would have been thrown up.

 Loki slid down the wall, landing on the brittle carpet.

  _“Loki.”_

 His mind was miles away from his body, and he has never been this lost in his own mind before. His mind was breaking apart, pieces flying and falling and it all scattered around him. They were sharp pieces that cut his fingers when he tried to pick them up and broke even more when he tried to put them back together again. It was like he was a toddler trying to solve a puzzle.

 Every muscle trembled even though he told his body to be still. He felt like he was vibrating and it was never going to stop. He would shake until he broke apart, ruined both body and mind.

 He was already broken, neck snapped under the golden gauntlet and Thor struggling against his binding and eye to eye with Thanos’s dark eyes and scarred face. His nails scratching against the gold and Thanos not even flinching as he tightened his grip, two Infinity Stones adored on his gauntlet and he still chose to snap Loki’s neck.

 “Loki,” Thor yelled and it sounded like he was underwater.

Thor would either be killed or left for death and he had to save Thor and Frigga both dead because of him.

“Your not breathing,” Thor said and Loki caught on to his voice and used it as an anchor. “Loki, breath.”  

 “I’m sorry,” Loki apologized, his mind still in a haze, but he apologized for things he hasn’t done to this Thor but still done. He apologized for what he will do, to save world requires a strong will. This battle was the one Loki as a little boy would dream of, not on a battlefield with swords and axes but all done with his head, to outwit and outplay the oppnet. It was fun as a game but this wasn’t a game, it was a war that he has to fight because he is the only one who can.

He took a full breath. In and out.

“For what?” Thor sounded close but Loki didn’t open his eyes. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” Thor said softly. Too soft for what Loki has done. “You didn’t lose control of your seidr, you just got lost in your head for a moment. Right.”

Loki knew the moment Thor spoke of, when Loki got overwhelmed as a child and his mind went in hysterical circles he had sent out a blast of seidr that broke everything in his room.

“I’m sorry,” he said again and Thor needed to remember this moment. “I went into Odin’s head and he told me I could handle the Frost Giants and I can but something had changed, I don’t—-” he broke of and breathed, in and out, in and out. He had to come down from this. “I can’t know, I don’t know anymore and I can’t not know.” It was mumbled mess of words spoken quickly.  

“I don’t understand,” Thor said and Loki knew he was close maybe sitting on the floor next to him. “I don’t understand.” He said more insistent for an answer. “You’re not making sense.”

 He could call Thor and idot and gloat that he was above Thor’s intelligence, but he envied Thor’s simple mind that didn’t crash like his. “I’m not making sense because this doesn’t— it,” he took a deep breath, he wasn’t falling anymore, he was dangling off the edge Gungnir is his grip be he wasn’t falling into madness. He took a deep breath. “My plan can’t fall apart.”

“You’re talking about the Frost Giants,” Thor said and he was technically right. “It will be fine, you're smart enough to think this one out.” Loki opened his eyes and Thor was sitting next to him, his head tilted to look at Loki and a soft smile on his lips. “If there is anything I have learned from this is that I’m not ready to be king, I don’t know if I will ever be but,” Thor paused, letting his words hit their mark. “You have what it takes, to be king.”

Loki disagreed but didn’t make it known, the Thor he knew from after Ragnarok was ready to be king but this Thor still needed time. He had to step up and lead this time with his own face. “I don’t have a choice but my plans are too much like schemes for others to listen.” Loki’s voice was weak to his own ears. “I’m king and no one will take me seriously or listen.”

“Respect is earned,” Thor sounded to much like Frigga as he said those words, she told them that over and over again to them as they grew up. He wondered if she told Hela that.

Hela, that was it. Hela, Odin, the Ancient One and Ego were the answer. Nebula resented him secretly and she could help. It sounded daunting even from the outline but them as a team and the Avengers together could stop Thanos. On the ship Thor and Bruce talked about Wanda Maximoff and she apparently harnessed power from the Mind Stone, she to could help.  

He just had unite these powerful creatures and defeat Thanos.

“So earn it,” Thor finished and Loki had disappeared in his own head but this time he had a plan and it could work. It was an endgame to beat Thanos. It all started Odin then with him they could get the Ancient One and sumon Hela from Hell since that would take a lot of power and then with all three of them they could journey to Ego, a whisper among the depths of the void but he was real and one of the Celestial bodies known. 

He had create an permanent peace so Odin will respect him. “Thor I need to go.” he didn't move yet still collecting himself.

Thor closed his eyes. “You just had an idea didn’t you.” Thor stood up and held an arm out to Loki.  

“Yes,” Loki took Thor’s arm and used it to hoist himself up. He took a deep breath, his heart rate slowing down, he would tell Thor eventually, and Odin and Frigga, but not now. He had a battle to win.

“I don’t suppose you will tell me what’s going on.” Thor said and Loki looked over at him, his eyes focusing to see Thor smiling.

“I’ll tell you when you lift that hammer.” Loki stood up and walked over to the door and stopped before he opened it. “And once you do Heimdall will let you in.”

Thor’s head snapped to him. “You will let me in.”

“If all goes well,” Loki gave him one last glance and walked down to hall, not cloaking himself to be invisible because that would give that power away to S.H.I.E.L.D.

He stood outside the Motel, a neon sign hung above the entrance and people walked along the sidewalk not sparing him a glance.   

He walked until he found a deserted parking lot “Heimdall,” he called out and was sucked into the rainbow vortex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I promised brotherly angst and sorry but Loki is going to go through it, I swear I love him, and don’t like when he’s hurt. So like plot made its way in, this will still focus on family drama even though there is a save the universe quest on the side. Also I hope I did a panic attack right if I didn’t please tell me. Thanks for reading, love Ann


	5. How Can I Say This Without Breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, its been a while but I finally pumped out a 2.7k chapter, featuring The Grandmaster, Frigga and Loki talk and plot is really sneaking in.   
> TRIGGER WARNING: DUBCON, ANAL FINGERING, themes of an abusive relationship and power dynamics.

Loki really wants to forget about the Frost Giants, but they are a constant threat and once Thor comes back they will be angry and desperate, he knows of some desperate children of Thanos who know the blurred lines and back alleys through realms and who wouldn’t hesitate to align themselves with The Frost Giants and kill Odin.

He sits up and cranes his neck, he had been sitting at Odin’s bedside for hours, once he was done with kingly duties. To have to protect his adoptive father, betrayer, and who was once the enemy, a roadblock between him and Asgard’s throne.

He sits and tries to gather his nerve. He thinks himself in circles and monologues sometimes. Gathers his magic but doesn’t cast the spell, always staring at his white skin.

Loki clenches his fist and looks over at Odin’s sleeping form. He lays there, entirely vulnerable except for the numerous guards outside the doors but if someone got in, they could slay him easily. He tried to remain on guard and focus on the forming plan but his find was on Sakkar and he couldn’t seem to get himself out of it.

 

* * *

 

  
_Loki walked around, squeezing around bodies and trying to make it across the dance floor. A man wearing a blue silk robe over black pants bumped into him._

_“You’re new.” He observed, his voice low and a smile on his face._

_“Obviously.” Loki snapped but tried to play it off as flirting._

_“Well,” the man’s eyes went up and down checking Loki out shamelessly, “I’m the Grandmaster. I’m kind of in charge here.”_

_Loki licked his bottom lip, purposefully. “Well Grandmaster,” He bowed his head. “Nice to meet you.”_

_“The pleasure is all mine…” He looked at him expectantly._

_“Loki.”_

_“How about a drink, Loki.”_

* * *

 

Loki snapped back into the real world as Frigga entered. The doors banged shut and she stopped as her gaze reached him. She wore silver bodice over deep blue skirts, her hair weaved into an intricate braid, clearly coming from business.

“Loki,” she said. Her face stretched into a fake smile, tight lips, and her eyes remained cold.  
“Hello,” Loki said, not bothering to smile. He reached up and rubbed this throbbing head, it had been hurting all day, but he was no stranger to pain.

“How has he been?” She asked straying away from a conversation with meaning in exchange for a simple question that she knows the answer of.

“Fine.”

“How are you?” She took a seat opposite of him and took her husband's hand in her own. The same fake smile still on her face.

“Fine,” Loki said automatically, what was he supposed to do? Tell her the truth that he’s an unstable madman.

“Why are you so distant?” She asked. She reached across Odin’s sleeping form and held her hand out for Loki to take.

“Wow finally a question of substance,” he bit out, tone sharp as his favorite knives. “Did it take you twenty days to finally work up the courage to talk to me,” Loki smirked. “Are you afraid I’ll turn you into an ice statue?”

“Loki,” she said in the same tone Thor used when he played an unnecessary trick, not mad, but just disappointed and tired. “Why must we play these games?”

“Was it fun?” Loki knew the answer, he knew it was cruel to ask to both him and his mother, but he asked it all the same. “Lecturing me about lying while you have deceived me my entire life.”

She shook her head, her eyes down and on Odin, but Loki stared at her, his rage burning out like a cooling fire. He was so tired. “Why must we go in circles?”

Loki knew she was right, he was still in the dimly light vault with tears in his eyes and a million different emotions in his head. He always came back to that moment, the Casket in his hands, Odin on the steps. It wasn’t at Jotunheim when he was touched but here that changed his truly after Jotunheim he still had some hope, he was always skilled in lying to everyone, even himself. As Odin told him he wasn’t cursed, that this was who he was he has been stuck there.

“I don’t know a way out,” Loki admitted, the words sticking to his mouth and leaving an ugly taste in their wake. His head throbbed and he blamed that and the lack of sleep on the tears that threatened to break loose.

“Loki,” she said softly like he had just had a nightmare and was clinging to her, terrified from seeing his family be killed, he had always been a vivid dreamer and had nightmares constantly. “You’ll get through this, but you don't distance yourself like this. We all need to heal, like a family.”

Loki laughed too exhausted to hold it back, it had been eight years and was still only partially over it, and he had healed that much on his own only to have been lied to again.. “I will never truly be over this.”

“That's not true,” she said. It was sad that she still thought there was hope for him, even Thor had given up on in the other time.

Loki didn’t say anything, he couldn’t, and there was nothing left to say.

“Loki, you do know that I love you,” She took his wrist and laced their fingers together. “Just because I didn’t give birth to you doesn’t mean you’re not my son,” She squeezed his hand. “I know what we did hurt you but it was for your own good. To spare you from this.”

Loki just sighed, they will never understand, no one will. Odin and Frigga will never get that they hurt him beyond anything else, they split him in half, and they will never get how they could have lightened this blow. Loki shook his head.

“Loki, just know I’ll be here if you ever want to talk.”

Loki never talked to anyone, never would and he never will if he would confide in someone it would be Thor. Not this Thor here now, the other Thor with the short hair and missing eye. He’s tried to kill Thor and ruin him but Thor was always there, and never lied to him. Not that he would ever bear his soul to anyone willingly.

He leaned his head against his shoulder, keeping his tired gaze on her. He was so tired. He rubbed his head again and pressed the back of his hand against his temple. He took a shuddering breath, his sore body screamed to rest but he held himself stiff as a board. He hadn’t slept beside naps since he was on Midgard a week ago.

“Loki,” Frigga called out again, her voice soft and gentle. She could ground him, her stern but caring voice could bring him down from his mind.

Look doesn't move or speak. He stared at the walls and counts the lines, not being able to pull his hand from her yet.

Frigga doesn't seem to get the hint, he hears rustling but she doesn't get up. She gets more comfortable, leaning back and adjusting her skirts.

“I hardly recognize you,” Frigga whispered but in the quiet room it's impossible to miss. She had said those words many times, this time not said with disappointment, this time it was spoken with sadness.

Loki bit back a retort now was not the time. He could hold back. “Please leave me.” He pulled his hand out her loose grip. It felt like letting go of the golden grip of Gungnir, the many stars, and dust hanging below. A rainbow bridge with cracks rippling through it in a spider web of fallen crystal. A scream of help from his lips still echoing in the air. A cry when he let go, a vain attempt to save a fallen prince of two kingdoms, broken as the Bifrost.

Frigga smiled. “No.” She had the same resolution as the towering Queen who sat by Odin’s side and was still seen and feared.

“Please.” Loki didn't beg a lot but his chest was tightening and his nerves were shot. He held his body tight enough for it the tremble. He needed to be alone.

“No.” She crossed her legs and folded her hands over her knee. “I will not let you distance yourself.” She tilted her head and looked at him expectantly and stubbornly. “I’m always here, my son, even if you don’t want me. I have given you your space, but people need people.”

“I don’t need you.” He snapped and his breath coming in short gasps because he mourned her, he cried and tore apart his cell. He needed her like any child needs their mother, to cling to her leg, to be held to her chest as tears flow. “Right now I need to be alone.”

“Why are you so terrified?” She asked. She stood up and walked to the foot of Odin's bed, the light reflected on her jeweled earrings and studded necklace as she moved closer to the light. “You have put all your walls up against your family, we will make it through this.”

“I need to be alone,” Loki said focusing on Odin’s form that he had already committed every detail to memory from sitting at his bedside for hours.

“You shouldn’t be alone anymore.”

“I should always be alone,” Loki stared at Odin's check and didn’t look as he heard Frigga’s footfalls as she came closer.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not,” Loki clenched his jaw, she had taught him his magic but also how important words were, how they held power to manipulate and trick. He had taught himself most of his silver tongue quality but she had introduced him to it. She understood how to play with people, she hardly used it but she knew how to get through him and he couldn’t let her win.

She touched where his shoulder met his neck, he was so caught up in his own head that he flinched, everyone in this forsaken family seemed to be neck touchers—the Grandmaster was one too.

* * *

 

_The Grandmaster trailed his hand down the side of Loki’s neck, leaning forward to mouth at Loki’s jaw. The Grandmaster’s other hand found his waist and gripped it tightly. “Our little cat and mouse game didn’t last long,” The Grandmaster said in Loki’s ear as he pressed Loki against the wall. “A...a...a whole night of flirting was far too long...when we could have been doing this.” His hand slipped into Loki’s pants his warm hand finding its place on Loki’s ass._

_Loki jumped a little, looking around at the party goers, the lights were flashing and music playing at full volume. Bodies clad in neon colors pressed against each other and jumping around. The Grandmaster had taken him to a corner but they were still in the room._

_The Grandmaster’s hand petted his neck as his hand played with Loki’s balls. Loki shuddered at the touch, his mind drifted to Thor, who was dead, probably, Loki too had dropped into the cosmos twice now and survived both times, he just hoped that Thor didn’t fall into the waiting hands of Thanos or his children. Thor doesn’t know how to play the game, how to swallow his pride and keep up in a battle of wit and lust._

_“Well, Loki, this is just,” The Grandmaster took a long sniff and moved his hand to tilt Loki’s head up, his thumb against under Loki’s jaw in the same way Thor used to do, as a comfort, forcing him to look at Thor, it was a threat to drag him back to Asgard, though the hand in his pants reminds him this is very different. “Just...very...very...nice.”_

_The Grandmaster pulled him into a fiery kiss, teeth and tongue clashed and The Grandmaster steered Loki with the hand on his neck. The Grandmaster hummed as he pulled back and the hand between his legs started to pull and tug. Loki held back a whine and moved his hips forward._

_“I mean you're not nice—personality wise— you're sassy it's what I like about you-you've got spunk, I like spunk, but your body is nice—work out much—-” his hand moved to his stomach and to his thighs. “Definitely worth appreciating, you’ll find I can be very… very...appreciative”_

* * *

  
“Loki you can let me in,” Frigga said to him as he dazedly sat there, lost in his head. In a place, a deadly cocktail of pleasure and pain, lust and power. A place where he was truly alone in an alien world again.

* * *

 

_“Loki, let me in,” The Grandmaster put a third finger inside Loki, even though he made an attempt to ward of the finger, the three fingers lacked lube and burned._

_Loki wanted to please The Grandmaster and sex was the way. Sex means different things to different people but to Loki, at this moment it meant surviving._

_“There are people—” Loki cut off as The Grandmaster pushed in deeper, a low moan in his throat and a smirk on The Grandmaster’s face. Loki turned his head and rested his cheek against the wall to hide his face, a_

_“Right over there,” The Grandmaster filled in as his fingers pumped in and out, clearly not caring. “That...well…that's all the fun,” He said and then fucked another whine out of Loki._

* * *

 

“I’m not afraid of you,” she said gently, her words handling him like broken glass. “You’re not a monster.”

He laughed at her words, she should be, and she might have been in the future, in his time. After all, he’s done she should think he’s a monster. She should be afraid of what he’d do to survive, the scars that he wore, mind and body, she should be scared of what he’d do for a crown.

They settle in silence, both unsure on how to continue. Loki stares at Odin’s bed, his eyes set on the bed and avoiding her gaze. He heard her footsteps as she settled back in the chair opposite him. Loki wants to say something but has no idea what to say.

It was near the middle of the night but they both sat there in an uneasy silence for too long.  
A small groan comes from the All-Father’s lips and he rustles in his sleep. Frigga gasps and both of them hold still, scared that if they breathe it will disrupt the waking.

They hold still for moments that seem to stretch into hours, but all Odin does is mumble again.

“He wouldn’t want us to fight,” Frigga said to him, eyes still set on Odin and her hand wrapping around his wrist. “I don’t want us to fight.”

Loki nodded. Odin rustled again and groaning, “Stop,” Odin mumbled. Odin opened his eyes and Loki saw him trembling under the sheets. Odin choked on air and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Loki turned to Frigga for what to do, she had already placed her hands on his head and was no doubt casting a spell to bring him out a trance. Loki moved the chair and set his hand on Odin’s head. He had been bonded with the Mind Stone he knew a trick and he cast it.

Odin’s eyes closed tightly and he slumped against Frigga, collapsing like a pile of bricks. His breath shaky and hands coming up to grasp at Frigga’s. His frantic eyes find Loki’s and Loki steps back, feeling like a child again and cornered animal.

Odin pulled away from Frigga, giving her hand a kiss. He moved slowly towards Loki and touched his shoulder like it was an illusion and going to break. Odin shaky breath steadied a little and before Loki could step back and give in to the urge to run away, Odin wrapped his arms around him and held him close in a way that he hadn’t done in centuries. Loki didn’t return it. He let his arms hang down awkwardly until Odin broke the hug and turned to Frigga.

“I had a vision,” Odin’s hand touched his head, “and it was of Ragnorak,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for reading commenting and kudos  
> +thanks to MASHUP 2018 "THE GREATEST HOPE" - 2018 Year End Mashup by #AnDyWuMUSICLAND for being on loops as it helped me as I wrote this chapter.  
> +Next chapter should be up before the new year  
> +Love you :)


	6. It Doesn't do Well to Dwell on Dreams and Forget to Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "it doesn't do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live" -J. k. Rowling

“What do you mean,” Loki demanded, he stepped back drawing his powers and being ready for a fight before his brain reminded him Odin just hugged him.

“I had a vision of the future,” Odin repeated. He still seems dazed.

Frigga placed a hand on his arm and offered a small smile. “Tell me what you saw.”

Odin took Frigga’s hand and kissed the back of it. He reached a hand out to Loki. Without thinking, Loki stepped back from his touch.

“I’m so sorry Loki,” Odin said. Taking a step to follow Loki in his retreat.

“What did you see?” Loki’s voice was sharp but he didn’t care, his hands shook and he told himself it was the lack of sleep and food.

“I saw Asgard in flames and bodies on the ground,” Odin’s eyes were on him and Loki just knew what he was going to say next. “It was a flash but know my sons when I see them, it was you dead and Thor over your body, alive.” Odin continued. “Then everything exploded.”

Loki clenched his jaw, unimaginably tense, every line in his body drawn tight, every muscle tense, and magic at the ready. He never really fell to the ground, but Thor, oh his Thor had to watch him fall. Had to mourn over his body again.

Frigga opened her mouth and went to step forward stopped, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. She looked at Odin, who still had a dazed expression.

“I saw something else,” Odin said in a voice that made Loki just know what he going to say. “I must die.”

Loki gets the double meaning. “What am I missing?” he asks anyway.

Neither says anything but the look they share says it all.

“Stop lying what am I missing.”

“I—-” Odin begins but looks at Frigga.

“I’ll figure it out eventually,” Loki looked down at his arm. “So just tell me.”

“Loki, dear, we,” she steps forward, but this time Loki doesn’t back away he holds his ground and meets her eyes with a stare. “When your father dies he will release Hela.”

Loki is so tired. “And who is Hela?” He asked and he sounded exhausted even to his own ears.

“My firstborn,” Odin said.

Loki opened his mouth to say something.

“I imprisoned her in a realm and when I die she will come.”

“And you saw her in this vision,” Loki confirmed, not sure how he should act.

“Yes.”

Loki laughed, he was truly insane. “Why am I not surprised. I wonder,” Loki’s words dripped in sarcasm.

“That is no way to speak to your father,” Frigga scolded and at the same time as Loki saw the opportunity, she realized the gate she had opened.

“He’s not my Father.”

_“Odinson,” he looked at Thor, bound in chains grime and ash has fallen over his face. Bloody cuts and an eye patch that made him look like Odin. The moment seems to freeze in time as Loki takes a breath and Thor pushed against his bonds, he knows his brother well enough to know what's coming but not good enough to know about how Thanos haunts him, not well enough to know that Loki has to do this…_

“Did I not raise you as my own son, ” Odin seemed to more in reality now. Good. “I raised you I raised you a prince.”

“You raised me to be a weapon. I'm not dumb. You never planned on making me the King.”

“Do not twist my words, ” Odin's voice was tight with the same tone as it was in the vault. “How many times must we rehash the same fight.”

Loki hated having this fight a million times a million different ways but he had new content now. “I just learned you were lying once again.”

“I know your upset about what happened inside my head. I just needed you to know. And for Hela, my reasons are just, she was unpredictable and power hungry.”

“I don't care. Can you even admit you were wrong.” Loki didn't shout, it took everything he had not to shout.

“I stand by my parenting decisions.” Odin as stubborn as always face bore an expression of a stone wall, pure stubbornness bore of a place so deep that he was blind to the pain he caused.

“Really, let's say I die tomorrow and you won't have a singular regret.”

Odin nodded, "I did it to protect you."

Loki laughed, he laughed as he broke again, he wondered how many times he could break before there was nothing left.

Because sure they regretted how it came out but they had no regrets for not telling him.

He laughed and braced himself against the wall of as Thor told him stolen gold.

* * *

“ _Hello, Odin.”_

_Odin looked up from his throne hardly looking surprised. “I should have known.”_

_He doesn't run or call for the guards, he must feel the magic Loki is surrounding the room with._

_“It's time for me to take the throne,” Loki said._

_He feels Odin try to fight the magic._

_“Where have you learned these dark tricks?”_

_“Where do you think.”_

_Odin frowned. “You have changed so much Loki I don’t know you.”_

_“I told you, I am a monster.”_

_“Monsters are made.”_

_“Well, if so your lies made me a monster.”_

_“Power hungry. Envious.” Odin listed. “I didn't raise such a son but if want to keep up your charade of me you must abolish all that.”_

_Loki smirked and tested the shape of Odin for a second. “I will make a better king than Thor.”_

_“We will see. Will you kill me?” Odin asked as disattached to life as Loki_

_“No, ” Loki decided. “Death is merciful.”_

_“You say as any tortured man would.”_

_“You are weak, ” Loki sneered. His hands curled into fists._

_“I am an old man who has just lost his wife. You are not a King, you are a boy who just lost his Mother.”_

_“I am a King, ” Loki straightened the magic around Odin’s body so that he felt Loki's magic in every cell and his spell snapped into place as Odin fell to the ground._

__

* * *

 

Loki breathed heavily, that was the only sound left after his manic laughter. He was leaning half on the wall, he didn't trust his legs to hold him anyway.

“What is your plan to stop Ragnarok?” Loki asked taking deep breaths and collecting himself.

“I have none, yet,” Odin said in a business-like tone that one would guess he was talking to a representative than his son.

“You better get one.” Loki took a moment to think of how lucky he was to not have to come clean, he can act for just a little bit longer, he can be the little prince people can turn their backs too.

“You will understand my way when you have kids of your own, ” Odin said in a more fatherly voice but still as stern as a king.

“I already know the way of lies, ” Loki said and he was once again in a chess game with Odin, trying to prove his worth, that he was worth Odin taking time from his day to play. “I always assumed I picked it up on my own, maybe I learned it from you.” This wasn't important. “When will you tell Thor of your lies.”

“If he is ever worthy.”

Loki stood up fully bearing his weight again, he’s not sure how he should act. Should he yell again, he thinks he's gone through yelling and scolding them enough for one day (days? He hasn't slept in a while)

“You should get some sleep,” Friggs suggested in a way that left nothing open for discussion, Loki was too tired to fight.

“We still need a plan, ” Loki started to walk but stopped to face the All-Father. “I have some ideas.” New lies sprung to his tongue but he bit them back he needed to sleep and think this out for a while. His need to please Odin has gotten in the way to many times. “Goodnight.”

“I am afraid I too need some real rest without strange visions.” Odin put a hand on Loki's shoulder and didn't seem to even care Loki flinched under his touch. “Goodnight.”

* * *

Loki sleeps an hour at most before he wakes, a cold sweat on his skin and a scream on his lips.

He hangs his head low and leans his back against the headboard. Willing himself to just breathe in _four_ , out _four_. Simple. Midgardians do it. Monsters do it.

He isn't scared of the dark but he uses a flash of magic to light a candle so his mind is safer.

Odin steps out of the shadows looking concerned.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?”

“I had a crow watch, I just got here. You must have really been tired not to ward your room up.”

Loki shoved off his covers, shuddering and burning at the same time. He wore a loose shirt and pants to bed but changed to the same outfit he wore when he died. The same green as Hela, little gold, he didn't need it, it would only weigh him down. It was the endgame now, the part in chess when you have to make your big risky moves and sacrifices to win. 

“I wish to speak to you. I know you do not sleep long. Not with something on your mind.”

“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help,” Loki said and summoned tea and two cups and poured himself one.

“We may have our difference but don't think either of us wishes the other dead,” Odin didn't look at Loki, he looked down and helped himself to a cup of tea. “I need some mischief.”

“There are whispers, you know, of war with the Frost Giants, of a new threat.”

“Whispers from were?” As expected Odin asked.

“The depths of Yggdrasil branches.”

‘Why are you there?”

“Can this not wait till morning?” Loki deflected, faking a yawn.

“I fear I cannot sleep and I would rather plan then try.”

“And yet I found myself being awakened from the rest I want.”

“You woke up from a nightmare Loki, ” Odin set down his cup and paused for no reason Loki knows. Maybe dramatic effect. Loki must have gotten that from him too. 

_“So..._ Belive it or not finding out you're a Frost Giant and your evil sister is going to come and kill everyone is a little troubling,” Loki snapped. All the best lies had a sliver of truth.

“I am well aware, do you wish to scream at me some more of shall we get to it." 

“I don’t think there's anything I can say that I haven’t already said to you,” Loki admitted in a tired voice, he really needed to sleep. “If Hela is power hungry why would she destroy Asgard.” Loki looked Odin dead in the eye. "It doesn't make sense."

“I also said she was unpredictable and crazy.”

Loki sighed and sat down on a couch setting his untouched tea down on the table. “How powerful is she?”

“She draws power from Asgard.”

“Again, why destroy it?”

“I don’t know,” Odin admitted he gave an exhausted sigh. “You are very much like her, you look like her, talk like her, and sometimes even plan like her.”

“I don’t know anything about her,” Loki semi lied, he did know how to stop her. “I didn't even know she existed till today.”

“Loki, my death will come soon, I do not want to be at odds with you,” Odin said, his voice gravely and if Loki didn’t know better maybe with something akin to regret.

_“I stand by my parenting decisions.”_

“But you're not sorry?”

“I—” Odin cut off and took a long breath. “I did it for the right reasons I have to stand by my decisions as a father or else all crumbles.”

“Pretty words,” Loki’s silvertongue said before he would truly think. It didn’t matter, it was in Loki’s past. _It didn’t matter._

“I say we wait for Thor and fight her own our own terms, I want both my sons and an army of Asgardian’s best.”

“I say no.”

“Loki— “

_“Uh, uh uh,_ you came for my help,” Loki holds up a finger and smirked. “I have it on good authority there is a bigger threat, they hide from your watchmen and since you are old and weak another very powerful person on our side could help.”

“And how in The Gods names are we supposed to convince her to join us.”

“Well, I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“Exactly, it won’t work.”

Loki bit his lip and curled his fists, Odin is right, if shes like him she will betray them over and over again she could the greater threat of Thanos could convince but if he doesn’t have Odin there is no way to control her. The Ancient One is still good and Ego will never help he wants to stay on the plant getting fat with power. On to the riskier plan, a voice in his head that carves chaos had been whispering to him.

It’s a bold move even for him. “Then we start the war first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Wanna talk   
> Tumblr: @bread-loving-fanigirl


	7. Rules of The Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rules of The Game is a short story by Amy Tan, it explores parent/child relationships (technically mother/daughter relationship but works for a gender swap) expectations and distant/strained relationship because of conflicting relationships.  
> So if you can’t already tell from the cliff hanger and the title this is gonna be about Odin and Loki.  
> Sorry for the wait, but this is around 3.8k words and it’s one scene and couldn’t be broken up.  
> WARNING: panic attack, PTSD, past torture and imprisonment, implied/referenced self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and past actions.

Loki was sitting across from Odin, the table like a chessboard between them, Loki a traitor, a monster in a prince’s skin, playing a child again.

Odin, a liar playing a good father, a conquer, masquerading as a fair and just king. They clashed, knights took rooks, there was no grey here, only white pieces versus black, Loki bore from darkness who fell into it, unprepared all the same as black.  Odin, hands covered in blood that he erased from history, as white.

Loki was a child who only wanted to prove how smart he is only to be bested by his father in seven moves, Loki lost over and over again, but didn’t feel bad about it because he had to lose to learn his father’s style, because this wasn’t chess anymore but Loki still lost over and over again to finally know how to win.

Loki had walked in his head held high and his father’s strategy in his head, his counter moves, and endgame planned.

Now, Odin and he sat, opposites, equals, opponents in front of a chess set that only existed in their own minds and the board was the worlds, the galaxy,  and the kings, each other.

“It is my hope that there is no war,” Odin said, studying Loki with an odd expression that Loki couldn’t place.  

“Let me finish,” Loki bit back. “if she wants to survive she will have to join our side.”

Odin brow furrows, “and if she joins this _invisible threat_ you speak off.”

“The threat if after Asgard, if she wants to rule she will have to save it.”

“And what after?” Odin asked. He clearly wasn't on board.

“I don't know, ” Loki admitted, he could figure it out. He has to. “But starting should wait till after Thor returns, Jotunheim is dealt with and after the Convergence.”

Odin frowned. Loki could blame Odin for not trusting him.

“Jotunheim,” Odin echoes. “In my head, you said you plan to let them in and then open the Bifrost.”

“Yes,” Loki said calmly “But now that you’ve woken up so I can’t.” Loki waited, he wanted more time, to be innocent, to be loved.

“It’s not a bad plan but, Loki you have to understand I cannot let in an enemy in.”

“It will work,”  Loki ran a hand over his face. “I know things you don’t.”

“How?”

Loki clenched his jaw and his teeth ground together with the force. “I’m from the future.”

Odin reels back, “Loki this is no time for jests.”

“I know you know about Thanos, so stop playing dumb—”

“Loki,” Odin yelled and stood up, fuming with rage, but so was Loki.

“I already knew about Hela, I know she comes and she doesn’t cause Ragnarok, I start it. It’s the only way to stop her,” Loki stood up, his voice rising with the crescendo of his rage. “You saw my death, that's where I come from, Thanos snaps my neck.”

Odin looked around, the room was devoid of guards, the only one who was listening was him. “Loki,” Odin sounded unsure.

“I have to let them in,” Loki said, ignoring Odin, he was too far gone to care, let them lock him up. Let them try. “I have to destroy it.”

“Loki,” Odin yelled. He crossed the room to in front of Loki and grasped Loki by the shoulders.

“The I fall, that’s how it goes,” Loki choked back a sob. “It’s the only way,” he admitted to himself and Odin, tears leaked out of his eyes. “I’m running out of time.” Loki’s head dropped down, tucking against his shoulder. “I have to leave soon.”

“Oh, Loki,” Odin said, squeezing his shoulders and voice dropping to a whisper.

“It’s the only way, stop it from the inside, I know what to say, how to think this time.” Loki has been falling since he got here, but it was time to die, again and again, the bubble he built around himself was breaking. He had savored every moment he got, he drunk it up like the sweetest of wines, and he would never taste it again.

He wanted it to stay like this so badly, here frozen in time with his family, like a scene paused, a painting, a snowglobe with a moment held tight inside.

Loki felt it, on the horizon, the darkness that coming, Thanos’ peering from his chair, Infinity Stones mapped out in his mind. “I have to fall.”

He may have gone back in time, the scars faded from his body, but his mind stayed the same, the broken pieces not able to put themselves together.

“Stop, Loki, stop.”  Odin stepped back, his hand leaving Loki’s arm, Odin shook his head, his _sense_ getting the best of. “You can’t expect me to believe you.”

The ball was rolling now, down and down and maybe after years, it would start to come up. “I’ve stayed here as long as I can.”

Odin jerked him up. Loki let him. “Slow down,” Odin quickly ordered, scared if he took too long he would lose Loki inside his head.

“I,” Loki swallowed thickly, his spit tasted like acid. “I know where some Infinity Stones are, but I can’t start so soon, I need to wait as Thanos does. I need to wait if we start we will lose. He has one and powerful with or without any and has an army bigger than you can imagine.”

“You have—had the Time Stone—in the other time—before you came back,” Odin stumbled over his words.

Loki shook his head, the fog in his mind clearing a little, he blinked and his eyes focused on Odin’s face, his golden eye patch and dark hazel eyes, Loki could almost see Thor, in his cheekbones and jaw.

“No, I don’t know how I came back,” Loki muttered, Odin’s face fell. “I do have an idea where it is. It’s on Midgard but guarded. Heavily.”  Loki was told not to mess with the Eye of Agamotto until he had the Tesseract.

“This is jest, Loki,” Odin said like he was hypnotizing Loki. Odin brought himself to his feet with much effort and a wince. “It is,” Odin added, sounding like he was talking to himself more than Loki.

“It’ll be proven when you all survive this.” Loki didn’t include himself, he didn’t deserve it. Odin didn’t either but Odin would die naturally. But Frigga and Thor deserve life.

“Survive what,” Odin sounded exhausted like Loki was a child who talked too much.

“The war,” Loki stressed, looking up at Odin, blinking away tears. “The one against the Dark Elves and the one for the Infinity Stones.”

Odin wasn't listening to him, he shook his head before Loki even started to talk and Loki could see the gears turning in his head.

“How could you time travel then?” Odin asked his tone like it was a rhetorical question.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” Odin echoed, his head shaking and a sneer like a smile on his lips. “You can’t accidentally time travel.”

Loki sighed and moved to lie on his back, staring up the ceiling and counting the seconds.  

1

_Chains,_

_2_

_Around his wrists._

_3_

_A man laughed_

4

_Staff against his body_

5

_Pain,_

6

_Hands over his head,_

7

_Falling, Jealousy,_

8

_He hates everyone but calls for all of them_

9

Loki gasped for breath.

“It’s not possible,” Odin said to himself. “It’s not.” He said to Loki now. His eyes searching Loki, finally truly seeing him.

“Thor’s hammer was Hela’s, you use to conquer worlds and take gold and slaves, you hid the history by covering the ceiling in the Throne room,” Loki recounted what Thor told him. “She had a giant wolf and can raise an army of the dead.”

Odin stared at him, his face twisted. Maybe Odin finally believed him. “But how did you come back.”

“I don’t know.”

Odin sighed.

Loki almost lied without thought, it was natural, so easy he had to bit his tongue to hold back. “I’ve been here since Thor’s coronation.” He needs Odin to trust him and the truth, however dirty it is, is the only way.  

“You let him go to Jotunheim—” Odin held up a finger, his brow furrowed and eyes squinted at Loki.

“Knowing exactly what would happen,” Loki nodded slowly. “Yes.”  He added just in case of any confusion.

“And you let it all play out,” Odin stepped forward, it felt like a threat and before Loki could even think he stepped back.

Loki held up his hands in a show of peace. “I have too.” Loki watched Odin’s face, scared he might lash out. “You have too for a while, as well. I need certain things to happen before my plan can start, but I need your help for the plan, and everything needs to be a secret.”

“Why do need my help.”

“In my time,” Loki paused, reconsidering his options and Odin himself, “The timeline before I traveled back, I left and now I need to go away for a while, and you need to hold down the fort.”

“Why?”

“Do you not trust me?” Loki asked, he didn’t know if he had Odin’s trust, but he had more than when he was locked in a cell.

“I don’t know you,” Odin said, echoing himself from the _future, Loki’s past that never happened._ “Where are you going?”

“Where I’m needed,” Loki sidestepped, his silver tongue danced without missing a beat, but it felt like lead, his stomach twisted itself in knots. “I will tell you everything soon,” he assured Odin and sat back down, taking deep breaths.

His mind whirled out of control, spinning like a top, drifting into the white-hot painful memories that didn’t feel like memories, it weighed tons and Loki had to bear it, in crippled him and he could feel the dark and cold vacuum curling around him like a fist, like right into a hungry beast’s jaw.

“Tell me now,” Odin obliviously demanded, seeing only what Loki wanted him too. Like he was just sitting, facing away from him to be defiant, not because he didn’t want Odin to see his face as his eyes shone with unshed tears.

One, two, three, _falling, falling, falling,_

One. Two. _cold, knives, chains,_ Three, _head against bars, burning._

One. Two. Breath. Three. Four. Five. Six. Exhale. Seven Eight. _Screams that never stop._

_Loki collapsed as far as the chains would allow him, “stop it.”_

One. Two. He tried again. Over and Over and Over—

 _A man clocked in black hit his head against the bars of his cell. “Better to feel pain than to feel nothing.”_  

—Over again.Three. He bit his finger, hard enough to sting, hard enough for his mind to stop for a second and the endless waves stop, the whirlpool stopping. He bit harder into a different spiral.

“Loki,” Odin’s voice is an echo, reverberated, and Loki is underwater, he bit harder, and the world flashed, bright—to bright—too much—

_Light, a ship, Loki crashed—_

He blinked and like a lens changed.

“Loki,” Odin said, Loki hardly processed it. He dropped his hand bringing his hands together and covering his face with them.

Loki breathed out. In. Out  A pitter-patter, like rain pouring, like pieces of broken glass hitting the floor. His chest was being stabbed with the glass, every breath strained, his chest heavy.

In. Out. In. Out.

But his breath never came, he chased after it with counting to ten and breathing slowly.  But the weight wouldn't lift, what if it didn't—

_Fear, terror all too small words to explain his mind as the Other walked in—_

He couldn't breathe.

— _the man stopped banging his head. “You have to breathe.”_

_“I can’t”_

_“You can think of something else—”_

Lullabies and his mother’s gentle hands, Thor and him fooling around. He gasped out, in short spats and spasms raking his body, he didn't want to go back not to the darkness—

_Thank you,” Loki breathed, it never felt so good. “What is your name.”_

_He laughed, thick and rich as honey. “I don’t remember.”_

He dug his nails into his forehead it cleared for a second.  Desperately he searched for a happy moment, running, fighting, training, reading, relaxing.

BREATHE.

“Loki, ” Odin repeated.

He couldn't breathe. He was dying. But he was already dead.

He felt Odin, he was close, his fingers warm, like fire to Loki’s cold skin, Loki struggled for air like he was already in falling. Down, down, down, the endless darkness taking all his breath, he latched on the Odin, like he was an anchor, he was the only one there. He grasped Odin’s wrist, his eyes slowly focusing again.

In. Hold. Out. Hold. In. Hold. Out. Hold. In. Hold. Out. Hold. In. Hold.

“Loki.”

Out. Hold

Loki hung his head down, Odin’s hand wrapped around his bicep and his nails digging into Odin’s wrist.  In. Hold. It came easier and the cloud over his mind seemed to fade, leaving large claw marks in his mind.

“I’m alright,” Loki said, after an embarrassingly long time of him panicking. He took a long breath. Not lifting his head up, not looking up so Odinn can see the shame on his face, he let of Odin’s wrist.

“I’ve seen men have the exact same reaction, only those exposed to the cruelest of battles and the horrors of death.”

“You do know I died,” Loki said, with surprising sass, considering he couldn't breathe a moment ago.

“Where are you going,” Odin said, walked past Loki and sat down with great effort beside Loki. “That’s what caused that reaction, some call it  The Warrior’s Curse or Walking Nightmares.”

Loki knew through the Spider and Hawk’s memories that Midgardians call it, flashback like that were part of PTSD and not being able to breathe considered a  Panic Attack. The names fit well, and the descriptions even more so.

“Something bad happens where you going, it happened in the not-timeline,” Odin said. The words were true and both knew it, the only sound for a few moments was Loki taking deep breaths, his chest still felt too tight, like bands wrapped around his body, like chains.

“Something bad happens everywhere,” Loki wasn’t even lying, there is always something lurking around the corner, some pain that will make itself known. “But yes.”

“Is it where you die?” Odin, still ever confused, asked. Odin huffed as Loki remained silent. “Please Loki, if you want me to trust you, you have to give me more than sparse clues.”

“I die in around eight years,” Loki admitted, turning to face Odin. “In the not-timeline.”  

Odin nodded, still confused, it was written all over his wrinkled face. “Start from the beginning,  of the not-timeline,” Odin said, his commanding voice echoing in the still room. “I’m going to get your mother.

“She can’t know,” Lok stood up, moving to the door, weaving a spell around the room, but still blocking the door just in case. “A little people as possible can know,” Loki said, but he was sure it fell on deaf ears.

“Why,” Odin demand, Gungnir summoned to his hand.

Loki drew his knives. “You won’t hurt me,” it came out a taunt. “I still look just like the innocent prince, you have no idea who I’ve become.” Loki raised the knives, magic forming around the room, growing stronger by the second. “I’ve nothing left to lose, I’ve already lost it.”

“Just explain,” Odin said, his voice calm and peacekeeping, but he made no move to put down his staff. “Explain why I can’t,” Odin lost his calm as the seconds ticked by. “And maybe,” it was more of a hiss, a cruel sneer, “Maybe, I won’t tell my wife, we took vows, to be honest, she is my Queen, and yours too.”

“I belong to no kingdom,” Loki wished for more time. It was always time. Breathe he told himself.

“Why?” Odin yelled. The same tone he used to banish Thor.

“The Timeline is damaged, I still need for things to happen semi how they did,” Loki dropped his hands, a show of peace. “I need to let the Frost Giant’s in and destroy the Bifrost.”

You could have heard a feather hit the ground.

Odin  closed his eyes and shook his head. “Why would you…”

“Trust me first.” Loki pocketed one knife, holding the other in a tight grip, flat against his leg. “I need to _isolate_ Asgard and get rid of the Frost Giant’s. And that’s how it was done before.”

“This is madness,” Odin said, stealing Thor’s line.

“Probably,” Loki said, wishing so badly he didn’t care. “Hear me out?”

“No,” Odin shook his head and pointed Gungnir at him, “I will not even consider it.”

“I’ll do it anyway,” Loki tells him, his heart still racing. He pointed his knife at Odin. The spell shaping outside of Odin’s feel. “I have nothing left to lose.”

“They why bother helping Asgard.”

“I’m not doing this for Asgard,” Loki paused and swallowed hard. “I’m doing it for revenge and to save Thor and Frigga.”

“Only them?”

“Their deaths were my fault,” Loki whispered, he didn’t want to imagine Thor dying, the ship crumbling and the deafening vacuum consuming him, painfully. Maybe it never happened, maybe the time has trotted on. Loki doesn’t know. “And I need to stop them.”

“I grow tired of your games, explain now or I will leave at once.”

“Okay, okay, okay. You might want to sit down, it’s a long story.”

Odin sat down and Loki sat across from him, during their scuffle they had switched sides over the now cold tea.  

* * *

 

Loki explained everything as emotionless as possible, the only thing was vague about was the void, only it was terrible and The Other rescued him and shaped him to carry the Mind Stone. He said it amplified every emotion he felt, all the hurt, rage, and hate, and the Other siphoned it, added to it, too used it to get what he wanted.

He explained about the Kursed Blade and how he survived. ‘ _I  thought I had died, then woke up, I must have healed on instinct, maybe something to do with me truly being a Frost Giant.”_

Odin didn’t ask questions while he talked, but as Loki finished his story, “And then he snapped my neck,” he expected questions.

“I don’t know what to say,” Odin said, not sounding like a king, but a father, maybe he really was, but Loki knew it wasn’t that simple. “Maybe you were right when you said you were no son of mine.”

Loki didn’t speak, his breath sandpaper in his throat. Shame coiled around him, he ignored it, ignored the childish voice in his head screaming for Odin’s approval. The part still influenced by the Other, long after the connection faded savored in Odin’s disgust.

“I need you too—” Loki began.

“No, wait,” Odin interrupted. “Are you okay?” He said, like a father, again, a caring voice, soft and gruff like lullaby against the symphony of Loki’s mind.

“Am I okay?” Loki echoed. _No,_ was the definite answer, _I don’t want to, but I have too,_ and a million answers tumbled through his mind, waves of fear and uncertainty threatens to crush him like sand.

“Okay to do this,” Odin added, he folded his hands in his lap. His soft gaze worse than anything else, _pitying._

“Why aren’t you yelling,” Loki swallowed the lump in his throat, “Why not lock me in a cell, like before,” Loki looked around the room, the barrier of magic still in place but it felt very much like cage, but a cage to protect him, hide him from the fall.

The snapshot was over, the weeks he wanted to freeze in time, gone, blown away like sand in a desert, crushed like bodies under Thanos’ boot.

“I see no reason too, you were tortured.”

He put the pieces together, Loki wasn’t mad at Odin but at himself, he wasn’t weak. “So.” So was Tony Stark and he took up a suit of armor. Loki sits in his own self-pity, thick as tar.     

“So…? Do have such little care for your own life?”

Loki laughed, low and bitter. “Why do you care?”

“Because I love you.”

“Stop saying that,” Loki yelled, voice broken. “Stop, it’s the same thing you say before you die.”

“I do?” Odin sounded sad. “I am a little mad but have served your punishment.’ Odin's looked down, an odd expression painted on his face, a heavy sigh escaped him. “I have done similar.”

 _Shame_ that's what's on Odin's face.

“Do I have your trust?” Loki asked slowly.

The chess board was back, but now the pieces dripped in scarlet, on both sides. Loki had his lines back and open and Odin's were advancing. If this didn't work, Loki would lose.

Odin moved his Queen— “Yes,” through clenched teeth—and not for Loki's open king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why would Asgardians play chess, stole it from Midgard or gave it to Midgard, Take your pick.  
> Chess is super complex but let me break it down for you.   
> Pawn, least powerful on the first move can move two squares to the front but are limited to one forward the rest of the game. Capture diagonally.   
> Knights, move in a L shape, two in one way and one over, capture by taking a pieces spot at the end of the L shape. Can jump over other pieces   
> Bishops, move diagonally (in one direction a turn) an unlimited amount of spaces.   
> Rooks, up and down and side to side.   
> Queen, up down diagonally unlimited number, only one direction.   
> King, only one square in one direction get him and it ends the game. Getting the King in check you have to block all the King's escape route without getting a place where the King can capture you. 
> 
> Okay, long chapter and endnotes I'm hoping to update this fic at least every month. Hopefully twice a month but I have another multi chap big WIP and a collection of one shot fics I add too. Also school and mental health is a thing so if you want to keep up subscribe!  
> As always comments and kudos are appreciated and loved.


	8. Into The Monster's Mouth

Loki toughed through the dark plains of _Jotunheim,_ he kept his head up as he walked toward the tall towers of rock and ice. He saw in the distance, behind the city of towers that stretched to the sky the dark mountain, a mountain the points jagged like teeth and black with a never faltering shadow.

As Loki moved closer to the _palace_ of sorts, a tall building, made of dark rock like most things were, it was made of many smaller towers, starting small thick and pressed tightly together as the palace climbed higher it split into tall skyscrapers unattached to each other save for the base. A lining of ice coating the palace, it would have shined in under the sun but it was only darkness as far as the eye could see.

Loki walked into the palace, walls covered in icicles and sharp layers of ice, the walls in large arches that made windows and decorated the high ceiling.  Loki walked right into Laufey’s throne room.

Similar to the halls of the palace but grander, larger arches that stretched beside the throne and the walls slanted to met at a point on the ceiling and Laufey’s throne placed between the close pillars.

Laufey himself sits proudly on his throne of stone, his blue skin marked with lines over his cheeks, chin and up his brow, faded and wisps of white. His hair pulled back into short tight braids over his head so that the skull was visible. He was clocked in furs and bands of leather across his chest.

“The traitor in the House of Odin,” Laufey greeted in a deep voice that echoed on the empty room. “You come later than that was expected.”

“I have another offer,” Loki clasped his hands behind his back. “Odin is out of his sleep, ready to be king, ready to be slain.”

“Ready to fight.”

Loki laughed and met Laufey’s chilling eyes. “Ready for you to slay him with honor,” Loki has been putting on a show for so long there is no way for Laufey to see through his mask, know his act, see through the lies that come from his lips. “Worry not, I’ll cover it up.”

“And you will give me the _Casket,”_ Laufey hissed, leaned forward, his hand out as if the Casket already rested in his hand, his eyes wide with greed deep as his soul.

“I will.” Loki lied. “If you kill Odin.”

“And what kind of king shall you be?” Laufey asked an odd look in his eyes, less greed, more hunger to pull apart Loki like prey.

“Beter than that of my father,” Loki gave a not-answer. “Do we have a deal?”

“We are not children,” Laufey said, his voice from deep within his chest. “We are kings,” Laufey’s hand rested on the arm of his chair, it curled around the handrest. “We are now allies. If you so agree.”

“A treaty will be made one I take the throne,” Loki said, letting his face morph to show hunger and greed.

“And sighed in blood.”

“Sealed by the fates.”

 

* * *

 

_“You cannot make deals with a monster,” Odin cried from his seat._

_“He is no more a monster than I,” Loki said. “And after he will be dealt with and his kingdom isolated, the Jotuns have little experience with the dark ways of travel.”_

_“But—”_

_“And you're hands will be clean.”_

* * *

 

Loki opened the hidden way into Asgard for Laufey, (he didn’t want to deal with Heimdall yet) as he walked into the golden palace of Asgard. He opened the giant doors into the palace and walked the familiar way to the door of his parent's wing.  He doesn’t let himself be drawn into the memories of running to this room as he cried from a nightmare. He can’t.

He set his hand on the vertical door handle, carved to look like golden vines wrapped around the handle. Loki pushed the door open, the room was fit for a king and queen, high vaulted ceilings, a large bed, tall glass doors that opened to a balcony, golden vases and looms were placed on shelves and dressers and with precision. There were open doors to other rooms in their quarters but no light shone through the open doors.

Odin sat on his cushioned chair, next to Frigga on her own, both golden and with high backs. Frigga gasped as she saw him, her eyes looked over him, _scanned_ over him.

A realization drew over Loki, like a shadow in the wake of a setting sun. “You told her,” Loki whispered, sharp and bitter.

Frigga stood up, her dress fell onto the floor and in a sweep of blue, her hair hung in an intricate braid over his shoulder. “It makes sense now,” she didn't drop Loki’s gaze for a moment as she walked towards Loki. “Why you are so distant. So different that the son I knew.”

“A lot has happened,” Loki knew she knew but said it anyway. “You don't know me, not anymore.”

“I do.” Frigga put a hand on his shoulder, without thought, he jerked away and grabbed her arm in a tight grip.

Loki held her arm for a moment, they stared at each other's she was sold under his fingertips, alive and her eyes glimmered. Loki dropped her hand and didn’t move for a moment.  He couldn't hide anymore.

“Will you tell me where you are going?” She asked gently. Her hands lingered a hair away from him but she dropped them.

“To a ship,” Loki said. “I’m going to play both sides.”

“You're going to jump,” she said. Odin stood and came to her side. “It’s like you said,” she told Odin while looking at Loki. “No, Loki you can’t.”

“I have too,” Loki drew his knife, silver with a blue handle, and pointed it at the pair. “I’ll do whatever it takes.” It’s a threat. A promise.

“What about you?” Frigga asked, not flinching as she faced his drawn knife. “And put that away you will not do anything to us.”

“He must not have told you everything then,” Loki barked out a laugh. “You have no idea what I’m capable of,” Loki’s hand shook, barely a twitch and the only thing betraying his calm face. “I have so much blood on my hands it would drown you.” _It’s drowning me._

“I would gladly risk drowning if you would let us inside your head, Odin told me what you told him, no emotion, nothing of how you felt, save for a few words.”

“I have a second chance to save the universe,” Loki reminded them of the stakes, the balance Loki saw in his mind every time he closed his eyes, it was teetering right now. “I might be able to...but I can’t think of myself right now.”

“I fear for you,” Frigga reached out and clasped her hand in Odin’s. “More than you could ever know.” Frigga grabbed Loki’s hand with her other hand, slow enough for Loki to tell himself it wasn’t a threat. “For your body and mind.”

“I have to go.” Loki hung his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I have to save you.”

“No, you don’t, I will choose you over me any day,” Frigga said softly.

“You didn’t get a second chance,” Loki dropped to his knees and kissed the back of her hand, grasping it tightly in his own. “I have to go.”

“Loki,” Odin this time, his tone a warning in itself.  

Loki pressed his head to where Frigga and his hands intertwined.

“Stand up, Loki,” Frigga’s voice shook. Loki rose to his feet, slowly. “I am so proud of you,” her voice was underlaid with power. She tipped his head down and kissed his forehead. “And I love you.”  She hugged him tightly. “You don’t have to do this.”

Loki wrenched himself back, he blinked away tears. “I do,” It was a goodbye, for two years maybe longer, maybe forever if it broke him this time. Loki stepped around the pair and took Gungnir from it was leaning against a chair. “It’s show time.”

* * *

 

Loki watched from the sidelines, watched and cloaked Laufey as he made his way to Odin’s room. Laufey opened the door quietly and walked in. Loki moved into the room through a more secret door and watched from a new angle.

Odin sprung to his feet he opened his hand for Gungnir but it didn’t come, no swords, no weapons were in sight, just as Loki promised. Laufey laughed, rich and loudly. Loki locked the door, they all heard the click and felt the wards.

“You may come out now, my king,” Laufey said, sounding pleased. “Look your father in the eyes as I take his life.”

Loki stepped out of the shadows, he felt Frigga eyes from her hiding spot and Odin’s gaze from right in front of him. “Go on with it.”

“The Casket,” Laufey demanded. “Before I kill for you.”

“When have I backed out of a deal,” Loki snapped but nonetheless, summoned the Casket, keeping it from his skin with a layer of magic. “You can touch it if you like.”

Laufey stared, his red eyes glowed in the light and as his hand touched the Casket he let out a great sigh and the Casket glowed brighter and a smirk crossed Laufey’s face.

Loki stepped back, pulling the Casket back with him. “I just want one thing,” Loki said slowly, he vanished the Casket. “Before this is over.”

Gungnir came to his hand, the wards around the room shifted and Odin, vanished, faded with a smirk on his face as the illusion fell.

“You liar,” Laufey said, he looked around for an exit, for something besides spear of ice and rock in his hand. He pointed it at Loki but Loki hand Gungnir trained on Laufey.

“Do you know Thanos?”

“I have no business with the Mad Titian." And Laufey looked so scared, so Loki believed him.

Loki nodded and fired, letting Laufey burn, every inch of him died, his body fell to the floor with a thud and Loki sent another blast of power to vaporize the body. Loki looked around, the sky was darkening and the night was coming, the darkness hung over the horizon like tar.

Loki gave the room a final glance, gave the palace a final look with his eyes like this, with his mind like this. Loki fell to one knee, never has he done this since he was a child, and prayed. To the Fates to the Gods, he hung his head and pressed a hand to heart, like he could siphon its power through his fingertips.

 _Anyone who is listening, please take care of my family,_ he had no words for the desperation he felt to get out this, but he knew he couldn’t, it was a cruel trap, he could leave, he wasn’t in chains, other than the ones in his mind, that won’t let him leave.

Loki got up, he was unsteady on his feet and his thoughts threatened to break his carefully constructed dam that held back all the _fear,_ the crippling fear. He took a steadying breath, counted to ten, then back down to one. He set Gungnir down and started to walk.

He didn’t take a horse he walked down the Bifrost, Heimdall stood there ready to betray him, Loki knows the play by heart, line for line, step for step. It’s quite a long journey but once he reached Heimdall the pace quickened.

“My Prince,” Heimdall greeted, respectfully, from his station in front of the place for his mighty sword, the sword itself in Heimdall’s grip and its tip against the floor, though the Watchman has no loyalty to anything Loki could place, it sways like the wind, to whatever is best for Asgard’s people, not to the throne nor to one King. Loki can respect that.

“Watchmen.”

“You cloak yourself from my sight, you cloak your parents from my sight now as well,” Heimdall stared straight ahead but Loki felt his eyes. “What you hid can be no good.”

Loki walked over to the edge of the observatory, watched the galaxies and stars burn and spin in their gravitational dance, fire hotter then Loki can imagine but a speck in the universe.

“You do not deny it,” Heimdall said, his hefty sword raised from the ground, lose at his side. His golden eyes now came to stare at Loki. “Do you admit to it.”

“I’ve said nothing,” Loki pointed out and turned to meet the golden eyes he could feel on his back. “You will open the Bifrost for me.”

“I do not serve you now.”

“I know.” _I’m sorry,_ Loki summoned the Casket to his hands, he let his hands touch it, feel it’s power, uses its power to send a stream to freeze Heimdall as the Watchman drew his sword up. The ice crystalized over him, coming to sharp points where his body of weapon stopped.

Loki put the Casket back and his blue skin was covered with a layer of white, his eyes changed from a harsh red and but his hands buzzed with the power.

Loki ignored himself, raised his head and walked over to the Bifrost starter and turned the sword with great efforts, like a tree of lightning the power raised up and the rainbow vortex started to destroy Jotunheim.

Odin appeared down the Bifrost, cloaked in white and gold, Gungnir in his hand. He moved swift and like the wind he was in the observatory, under the tree of power and a pained expression on his face.

Loki dropped walked along the edge of the Bifrost. “You have to stop it,” Loki felt numb, his mind far from his body.

“Okay,” Odin said and walked past him, Gungnir glowed in his hand and he sent wave after wave against the strong Bifrost, it cracked into thousands of tiny spilters, like many rivers flowing in the crystal-like bridge.

Fragments fell, Loki followed them with his eyes. Another blast of power, Odin brought Gungnir back in an arc and more power fell from its tip. The Bifrost cracked more and into jagged ends, it broke, the ends like teeth, they poked out like knives, lit with all the colors of the rainbow that ran through the Bifrost.

“I trust you,” Odin said in the silence that almost consumed them before the void did. “I trust your love.”

“Don’t trust my love,” Loki warned. “Trust my rage,” Loki moved to the edge of the Bifrost the rainbow ends stark against the darkness.

“For you, they are one and the same,” Odin’s hand came over his shoulder. _When did he move?_ “For many, rage comes from love,” Odin mused, his hand squeezed Loki’s shoulder, his grip tight enough for Loki to feel it in his bones. “We are no different than many.”

“Let me go,” Loki said, he didn’t feel the grip of Odin on his shoulder but the desperate clinging of a father, like Odin’s very being has clasped itself on to Loki’s. “You have to.”

“Promise me you will take care of yourself.”

Pleading, he was pleading, Lok would have given anything all those years to hear him plead. “I will not lie to you. But let me go.”

Odin let go, his hand fell to his sides like a falling star. “Please,” Odin said.

“I’ll do my best. I will not die.” Loki promised, he met Odin’s eye for a second. He turned from the edge, it called to him like a sirens song. “How should I do this.”

Odin gripped his sleeve, his fingers brushed Loki’s wrist. “Wait.”

Loki leaned back, tested his grip, it was sure and strong enough so that Loki leaned as far back as he could so that half his boy hung over the edge.

“Loki,” Odin tried to pull him back but Loki didn’t let him. “What shall I tell Thor?” Odin asked he gathered the strength to pull Loki back but Loki moved his feet off the bridge so he dangled full body, anchored only by Odin’s hand, now around his wrist.

“What you tell the people,” Loki said, his neck craned up, on instinct he held on to Odin’s wrist. “Tell him I’m insane and there was nothing he could’ve done. Tell him I hate him,” Loki let go but Odin held on to him for a second.

“I love you, my son,” Odin whispered. “I am sorry.” It comes from the depths of Odin’s bones and Loki isn’t even sure what he is apologizing for, the lies, the favoritism, or the situation, maybe it’s everything. “So sorry.”

Odin’s grip slipped and Loki didn’t grab Odin’s wrist. Loki took a deep breath. “I love you too.” He fell. Odin couldn’t hold on any longer. Loki fell and he fell.

His air was taken and he didn’t know what was up and what was down. His skin froze and all the life was sucked from him as he fell. He hardly felt it. Numb from the words, numb from the pain.

He fell and fell.

He lived out his worst fear.

He fell right into the monster’s mouth.


	9. Interlude: Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Avoiding endgame soldiers like they're the plague so i figured I might as well get this chapter up.
> 
> WARNING: torture and dark imagery, take care of yourself.

It was a cold as he remembered, the kind of cold that seeps into your very bones with immovable knives that reach deep.  Loki doesn’t feel anything when he falls through the wormhole. Numb when he hits the ground of the Sanctum. He’s numb when hands, gloved in leather, rough and unforgiving hauled him into a cell. It’s small and black walls smooth with hooks for chains on the back wall, an iron gate separated him from the world.

He pulled out as far as the chains reach, testing their strength, they feel worse this time. He put them there, he chose to have himself shackled. He forced a deep breath from his lungs. He wasn’t some little boy in the Void for the first time. He knew how to navigate this place, how to win the Other over, how not to get killed.

Time went on, not that Loki had any way of telling how long it had been, no clocks were hung in the cell. Loki can feel it pass with very painful breath—his body sore from the fall—he can’t sit, the chains aren’t long enough for him to go past a low crouch.

Loki wonders what of him will be left when the dust settles, when one way or another, this comes to an end. Will it all be worth it, to lose so much of himself over again to save everyone. He can’t go back now, he’s made his choice. Taken his path.

His own darkness lingers on the horizon, born in this very Void, out of pain and sorrow like he never knew. It’s still with him, claws buried in his skin to deep for him to ever remove. The darkness— _evilpaintorture_ —stole part in him, the part that died long ago still whispered promises of love and no more pain.

That voice is a liar. It takes a fool to hope that there will be no more pain. Footsteps sounded like pounding in the quiet cell. Loki braced himself.

The door opened and a cloaked figure, not the Other, but a figure robed in black with a red trim like vines and roses. A necklace, interlocking stars in a circle dangled from a long chain around his neck. A staff rested a clock covered hand, black with a top of a red circle held in a clawed hand.  Loki looked down, held himself like steel, pressed against the wall of his cell.

He closed his eyes.

A hand, like a whip (but that would come later) across his face, it stung but Loki hardly felt it, everything was numb. The staff hit at his knees, at the angle that Loki had no choice but to fall and hang from his chains. He dropped to a crouch, he hadn’t eaten or been able to walk much in what was long hours that dragged on to days. He hissed but tried to escape into his mind, a no more forgiving place.

The faceless shadow adjusted their grip on the staff and jabbed the bottom of it into Loki’s stomach, it hit his ribs and a crack echoed in the room, Loki’s groans met with the crack and he bit his lip. Tried not to break.

“What is your name?” the voice was beautiful, like a siren, melodious, sweet and deep, it was like a song. It was one voice but under it, a choir sang, a vortex of voices, low and high and powerful and soft.

“Loki,” he gasped, overcome and he hated the Lieutenant of the Other, a servant of Thanos.

“Odinson,” The Lieutenant hissed, voices hissed and now like snakes did the choir sound like. “Odinson, down here, with me.”

“Not Odinson,” Loki corrected, his voice weak and shallow compared to the Lieutenant. “Laufey’s son.”

“Laufey’s son,” the Lieutenant echoed it’s faceless, a headless shadow of a head tilted. A laugh, not a song but a sword. The Lieutenant stabbed Loki with the bottom of the staff again, pain rippled over Loki but not a sound escaped him. “I thought I showed you what would happen if you lied.”

Another hit, this time to his feet, already aching from not being able to sit, he cried out this time, voice rough as stone on stone and broken like fallen glass. His foot throbbed and he grit his teeth.

“Odinson,” they sneered and the words crept into every corner of the cell, amplified and inescapable. “Odinson, how did a son of Odin come to me, how did you fall from the Golden City of Kings to the Void of Shadows.”

He fell and it took everything from him, he had a taste of everything he wanted again and he had to rip himself from it again. He tore at the sew up edges from last time, the badly stitched together pieces that were broken from his last fall were torn back open and it hurt more than last time, the wounds deeper and bloodier.

“I’m no son of Odin,” Loki said and before another strike, he pressed himself back farther against the wall. “Powerful magic is at play but I am of Jotunheim,” Loki scrapped himself together and straightened. “I can prove it.”

The Lieutenant stilled. They waited expectantly, set down the staff so the bottom rested on the ground, a threat still but not as close. “Speak,” a voice powerful, the choir of voices came into one voice that echoed unnaturally.

“Not in words,” Loki said and he reached deep inside, searched for the scars, the starting wounds, so small compared to what's to come. He pulled off the masquerade, it was like removing knives, the false skin had been chained into him but he pulled it off.

White skin turned blue, eyes turned red, like rubies, or gems of blood. Ancestral marks over his skin and the room was too hot and Loki felt he was suffocating.

The Lieutenant stretched out an arm, covered in a long robe sleeve and their barely visible actual hand was covered in leather gloves. “Laufey’s son,” he remarked, their voice again overpowering, forced Loki to look into the faceless hood, drawn in by the song.

Loki nodded slowly. “Need more proof?” his silver tongue remained intact and itching to strike.

“No,” the echo increased and no repeated in different tones as they let it hang in the air. The Lieutenant traced Loki’s face with care even. “Powerful,” they whispered, the echo quieted and voices mixed into the dizzying whirlpool of tone. “I feel it under your skin.”

“I could’ve told you that before,” Loki said, stronger this time like he had a choir of his own backing him, not his weak, thirsty throat and tongue sore from him biting it. “What do you want?” Loki remembered, dug into the deep corners of long pushed away memories, the words he said. “Why haven’t you killed me?”

The Lieutenant’s hand dropped back to their side, the hooded head tilted. “You can help.”

“Yes, I can.” Loki shifted his weight back and forth to alleviate some of the pain that sparked over his body, there was no comfort available in this cell, not against the stone floor and wall and tethered to the chains. “I will help you.”

The Lieutenant didn’t move and Loki waited, assaulted by memories that pounded in his mind—forced him to relive the moments like these, the dark shadow he pushed away to move on—demanded to be seen. Then with no more words, the Lieutenant turned and left, closed and locked the iron gate behind him.

Loki closed his eyes, sleep wouldn’t come, he knew. He didn’t want to look at the walls anymore. He wasn’t going to lose his feeling, as good as it was to detach from reality, to not feel pain, to not feel anything. It easy to go mad and hard, harder than anything else, to put yourself back together again—to feel normal again.

With pain over his body and pulled his aesir skin back on. It was like he was a child covering their body their sheets to protect themselves from monsters.

* * *

 

_Loki hit the ground. Again. Again. He gripped the training staff tighter, his clothing stuck to his skin from the sheen of sweat that coated him. He rolled away and got to his feet, his legs almost buckled from the strain. His muscles were on fire and as he moved it burned hotter. As he dodged Thor’s blow._

_“Give up, brother,” Thor taunted, his golden hair pulled back and shirt off, he was showing off to the ladies watching, to anyone who’d watch. He wasn’t out of breath, everything about Thor screamed this was easy for him. “You can’t win without your tricks.”_

_Loki hated not being able to use his magic but it was a rule for this session. Odin sat and watched his two sons fight, assessing how they fought. Loki felt Odin’s eyes on his back, he pushed a loose strand of black hair out of his face._

_He was dead on his feet but he jumped a little as he walked—no one needed to know he was weak. “Please, Thor,” Loki lowered his stance, his arms screamed at him but he pushed through, made himself take even breaths. “I can do this all day,” Loki smirked and so did Thor._

_The staffs clashed with a loud bang, both boys held them in place, their faces were close enough to taunt. “You can’t win, Loki,” Thor pulled his staff back._

_Loki jumped back before the staff could connect with his stomach. “Arrogance is your fatal flaw,” Loki said and dodged another arching sweep of Thor’s staff. He fell down to a crouch and braced himself on the ground with a hand._

_Thor twirled his staff, spun it with flair by his side and gave some fair ladies a dazzling smile, Loki hit him with all his force in the stomach, but Thor didn’t fall, he swayed but caught the staff in his hand and disarmed Loki with a grunt._

_Thor held the staffs up, clapped them together and dropped them. Loki pulled himself up to unsteady feet, embarrassment and rage tangled together until Loki couldn’t tell the difference._

_Thor took him down easily, held him down for a count of three and the crowd cheered. “Good round, brother,” Thor said lightly and rolled off Loki, the crowd flocked to him and with cheers, they made their way to drink or fight (both probably)._

_Loki rolled over onto his stomach, he propped himself up on his elbows. Just to breathe for a moment. Footsteps echoed in the empty hall and Loki knew one person didn’t leave with Thor. Loki’s heart pounded and he forced his arms up but they fell under him._

_“You have to get up,” Odin said, his voice almost sorrowful and Loki didn’t know why he always seemed to favor Thor. “No matter how hard you are hit, no matter how hard you fall.”_

_Loki sneered and brought himself to his knees. “I would have stood a chance if you let me use my magic.”_

_Odin walked closer to Loki. His white robes dragged across the floor, the sun shone in from the window and framed him in gold. Loki couldn’t help but notice that he was in a shadow. “I know.” Was all the All-Father would say._

_Loki ran his hands through his hair and over his flushed face, sweat stuck to his palm. “What do you want?” Loki snapped._

_Odin folded his hands in front of him. “I want you to get up.”_

_Loki winced and brought himself to his feet, he flexed his tired muscles in hope of relief, Loki didn’t drop his mask of arrogance as he stood and stared at Odin. “There. Happy?”_

_Odin said nothing as walked to the door. A hand on the doorknob he turned to Loki. “I want to know what my sons can handle.” Odin exited and closed the door behind him._

_Loki fell down, back to his knees and rested his forehead on the ground. One question ravaged his thoughts._ **_What can I take?_ **

* * *

 

Loki opened his eyes and curled and uncurled his toes to ease some of the tension. He doesn’t know the answer to the question posed at him in his youth. He’s been unmade, controlled, and killed. He’s had everything taken from him.  He knows that he doesn’t have a choice, sometimes he has to _take it._

Something deep inside him—call it instinct—knew that this journey would find his breaking point. Loki took a deep breath, he knows what's to come and tries to prepare himself to be tortured again, by his own choosing.

Time ticked on and Loki was starving but he just waited.

The door opened and the Other walked in. He was tall and in a dark robe, the golden ornaments on his face didn’t cover all his face, peeking out from the hood a bluish shade of skin covered his (by Asgard standards) a disfigured face with scars and lines. Over his robes, he wore a golden harness and his nails were like claws.

“You fell right into my lap,” The Other hissed and his clawed hand reached to Loki. “To serve me and Thanos.” The Other’s claw-like hand laid over his head it was like it was on fire, it burned with no fire, but uncaged power traveled over Loki. “To help me.”

Loki jolted and shook as waves of power ranked over him, the pain almost too much but not enough for him to pass out.

“I have an offer, an offer you are in a position to deny,” the Other said. “Not when I’ve saved you, not when by my own hands and put you in this cell, saved you from dying.” The Other smoothed his palms over Loki’s head and the pain surged and flattened out. “I can feel your need for power, I can give it to you.”

Loki’s mind whispers the words before the Other has the chance. “Join me and you can have Midgard to rule.”

The pain is back, like knives stabbing at him everywhere, as if his own body has turned against him and if there were no chains he would have fallen. It stopped suddenly, so Loki could focus. “But first I need you to prove your loyalty.”

“How?” Loki asked, he knew the answer but knew he had to ask.

“If you can handle what I give to you over the next few days, consider  my trust won.”

Loki nodded and pain flooded him and he felt the snakes of power seep into his mind, they slithered and found exactly what Loki wanted them to find. The pain is unrelenting, a physical wound would have been able to adjust to, you wrap a broken arm in a sling and the pain soothes, you stitch the wound together, there was no easing this pain.

And it doesn’t break him yet, he has to go on. He can take more because he has one last promise to keep, one made when blood and death hung in the air.

_“I assure you brother the sun will shine on us again.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I have Loki quote, Steve, yes. Yes, I did. stubbornness is universal.


	10. A Titan, an Alien and a Trickster, Walk Into a Bar…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So longish wait for this one but I’m back and I have a gift in the form of a chapter with one if my best chapter titles.
> 
> All the comments and kudos mean a lot and I cherish all of them (not that one mean one tho)
> 
> Trigger Warnings: implied/referenced torture
> 
>  

The Other unlocked his chains and Loki finally fell to the ground. The relief was overwhelming, his full weight left his feet for the first time in days—weeks maybe, it’s felt like years—his legs and feet were numb and cramping. The Other must have been in a good mood because he gave Loki a moment to lay on the floor stretching his aching muscles.

“Get up, little prince,” the Other hissed after a few moments. “I have more to show you."

Loki pushed himself to his feet, he winced and used an ounce of healing magic since the power dampening cuffs were off. He tried to alleviate the pain—but that's complex magic that as a child Loki thought was boring—but it didn’t do much.

No matter how advanced he was in magic he could never stop the pain in his stomach from only having drops of water and crusts of bread over the last days. He braced a hand on the wall of the cell and rested his head on the wall.

Loki didn’t think that turning into the Other to mock his strange overly dramatic behavior would benefit him. Even though shifting to Thanos and scaring the shit out of the Other was tempting, but after being kept in a cell and sometimes tortured that wasn’t the best thing to do and he was so weak.

He hated feeling weak, so he gritted his teeth and dropped his arm from the wall. “What is it?” Loki asked. He didn’t expect a true answer but he needed to know if it was what he dreaded.

“Not what. But who?”

Loki flattened a hand on his stomach, sunken in behind his hip-bones and rib cage. He took a deep breath. He knew what was coming. He knew when he fell.  

Loki didn’t know how he moved his shaking legs down the corridors and onto the open rocky circle of the Sanctuary in the middle of the asteroid field, a kind of ship, held by stabilizers. Thanos was there, on the edge, covered in golden armor, from his plated boots to his helmet, forged from a star. A large ship beside him.

Thanos’s back is turned to them and Loki wanted to scream for him to look, to see in Loki’s eyes that he was going to stop him. To see where his fingered hand maybe will curl around and choke, to give a second chance. He wanted Thanos to know that this skinny, ruined man would stop him.

Even if it kills him. It’ll probably be best if it killed him. As long as his family is okay.

But he’s playing a part and his role isn’t to scream for Thanos to turn.

He straightens his back and tilts his chin up. He can’t lift Thor’s hammer, he’s not strong enough. He’s not worthy. He’s a liar. A trickster.

It may be what it takes.

The Other is a novice compared to Thanos is the art of the mind, getting a sense of what a person was thinking—for the thoughts of the mind cannot be read because thought is a cluttered mess of emotions and nonsense words tangled together and all you can do is get a vague sense of what they are thinking, mostly through emotions and flashes of images.

But that's not what he’s worried about, he knows the Scepter will be pointed at him, but he’s ready—in the six years after and the weeks in Asgard he practiced. His spear is sharp for when the Mind Stone is aimed at him, if he loses control he cannot give himself away, many spells tangled together in his head, tricks, like sleight of hand. Simple Misdirects. All worked together to make sure that Thanos didn’t think he was being tricked.

When the Mind Stone takes control and the wielder asks a question you have to tell the truth. Truth can be as confusing as thought, a tangled mess of emotions and different truths for one answer.

“I bring you a prize, sire,” the Other said and Loki doesn’t look at him but he can feel the smile, pointed teeth and whatever else a child thinks of when the _monster_ is introduced to the tale,  whispered to them under the weight of soft covers. “He is the one we’ve been looking for.”

Thanos turned and held tightly, pointed across his body, and, angled at the ground is the Scepter. Its beauty is like roses, lush and soft but covered in thorns. Loki can hear the song, all-consuming for a moment.

Thanos' eyes scanned him and Loki stared at him with fire in his eyes, not just with the ‘passion’ he wants Thanos to see, but with rage.

“His name?” Thanos asked and stepped closer, each step crushed the small rocks below his feet.

“Loki Laufeyson,” the Other knelt and with his claws, that dug into Loki’s arm deep enough to draw beads of blood from under the skin, pulled Loki down to his knees.

His knees hit the unforgiving ground roughly but Loki hardly felt it, there is ash on the ground and the smell of blood clutched to Thanos.

It alone threatened to choke Loki.

“Laufeyson?” Thanos had disbelief written all over his face as he took in Loki—who didn’t have blue skin—kneeling on the ground.

“Odin adopted him but he is a Jotun.”

Loki should look down. He should copy the Other. He should copy his past self, but this Titan had killed his people. Tried to kill him. He couldn’t look away. He did his best to look like he was frozen in fear but rage boiled under his skin. Weak as he was he could still summon one of his knives.

He yearned for the cool press of his blades in his palms. The comforting weight in his hands, slicing through the air and skin like its nothing.  

“Can he bear it?” Thanos asked and was closer now, a hand, rough with scars and burns, smoothed over Loki’s head.

“He can use magic.” The Other rose from his spot on the floor to stand beside Thanos, an uneasy smile on his face.

“But can he take the Scepter.”

“I think he can. Be joyful, sire,” the Others' hands clasped and his smile turned to a smile. “We found him. Our diamond in the rough.”

Loki stood up even though he hadn’t be given leave. Thanos looked down on him and Other turned his back shaking his head. Loki knew Thanos wouldn’t kill him.

(Yet.)

“I have nothing for me in Asgard. No allegiance to Jotunheim,” his silver tongue thrived and weaved sugary words, dipped them in poison and, like the snake he was, hissed and slithered. “I have information on them. I have skills beyond some of your men and most of all, I have nothing to lose and revenge to get.”

“Are you saying yes?” Thanos asked and he didn’t look mad. Of course, he didn’t. He liked his followers, his children, to be feisty, to be tough.

“I’m saying,” Loki said and squared his shoulders, his decaying body was seconds away from collapsing. “I want to get revenge on Thor. On Odin. All of Asgard even.” Loki looked off into the darkness, dotted with the stars that hung around them. The large ships swam in the darkness. “I see the force of your army. If you can get me my revenge, I promise I can help you.”

“As I promised,” the Other interjected looking at his master like a dog wanting praise. “He even has some spark.”

“Indeed,” Thanos said his face pulled into a grim expression. “How do know he is trustworthy?”

The Other smiled and Loki knew his words. “I have put him through trails, searched his mind for emotions, although I admit I’m not as good as some at that art, revenge clouds his thoughts I am good at giving the other trials; starvation, stress positions, insolation, and _power exposure.”_

 _Power exposure_ is the fancy term for the shocks of magic that those who can wield magic in the Black Order had perfected to cause pain all throughout the body. Loki wavered on his feet, a strong wind could probably take him down.

The power exposure was like lighting over him, inside him, crashing into every inch of him, it wasn’t like normal pain that could be soothed. It chained to him and its pressure made him feel as if he was coming apart.

“You are willing to put your name, your honor, on the line for him?” Thanos asked and he even gestured to the large army. Loki controlled his face because they shouldn’t trust him. They should also get more troops that may stand against Earth's Mightiest Heroes before they close the opening. To stand against the Hulk’s fist and the brains of the Midgardians.

S.H.I.E.L.D is preparing and Thor may have lifted his hammer by now but Loki feels no more than a ghost of comfort.

“I am willing,” the Other said and honor was such an important thing to Thanos, he didn’t have much favor for snakes like Loki. “We will not find one like this again. I can get you a stone and a planet, without leaving this place.”

Thanos weighed his options and he held the Scepter out to the Other. He took it in his clammy hands and traced over the where the Mind Stone was encased in the blue gem.

“I’m trusting you,” Thanos said and though he was calm Loki could see a sense of urgency, he could taste victory, two stones in his hands and still unknown to many kingdoms. A vengeful prince was the perfect cover.

“I will not let you down,” the Other bowed again, his hands clutched at the Scepter. “When have I failed you, sire

“Never,” Thanos said and Loki kept his expression set like stone but a laugh bubbled in his throat. It was like the beginning of those jokes Midgardians liked so much.

A Titan, an Alien, and, a Trickster walk into a bar…

“What is that?” Loki asked and he dug his nails into the flesh of his palms. It forced him to focus. It brought him back to the unsteady legs and growling stomach.

The Other laughed, like stone against stone.“You’ll see.”

Inside, Loki smirked, pride and power swelled in his chest. On the outside, well he swayed from side to side about to pass out.

“I don’t suppose it makes food,” Loki said dryly 

* * *

 

A Titan, an Alien, and, a Trickster sat at a table, strange mush and something that may be a vegetable rested on the table in front of Loki, the others are fed. The room was carved into Chitauri rock and on the Sanctuary and lit dimly. There were many empty tables.

“So I get what I get out of this,” Loki set his spoon down and stared at Thanos and the Other. “A planet to rule was mentioned. Also revenge, but what do you two get?”

“You are to give us the Tesseract,” Thanos said and his eyes flickered to the Scepter that rested in the Other’s hand.“That’s payment enough.”

“Eat up, princeling, we have work to do,” the Other said. The Other was toying with the Scepter, having it whisper its secrets. Oh how Loki remembered touching it for the first time, it was like coming alive.  

Loki took another spoonful of the mush, it was some kind of rice slathered in sauce and pieces of chopped vegetables. He didn’t eat too much, after starving for days he couldn’t take to much.

(A mistake he made the first time)

“You’re going to do something with that,” Loki pointed to the Scepter, some of his skin was like eggshells and in the light, he could see how grimy his hand was, dark soot and dust against white. Dark versus light.

How poetic.

How fitting it’s mostly gray.

“Yes,” the Other said snapping Loki out of his thoughts.

“But first I want to ask you a question,” Thanos rested his forearms against his legs, his bare hands clasped. “Do you know anyone on Midgard. Asgard has a loose claim on it, yes?”

“Yes,” Loki took another spoonful of the rice, it stuck to the roof of his mouth. “I know who has the Tesseract.”

Thanos schooled his surprised face and the Other smiled at his prize, they both saw victory near, dangling in the twinkling stars through the window.

This prince would serve them well.

Revenge was on Loki’s tongue, he tasted it, he could see it in the walls of his old cell.

For all, pieces clicked into place.

Loki wanted to plunge his knife into both of them. No, he wanted to tie them up and watch them decay.

“Who?”

And Loki had seconds to consider. He too needed the Stones because he could kill Thanos right now but his Black Order would remain, hungry for victory.

No. Thanos once told him about his favorite daughter, Gammora, who he entrusted to find the Soul Stone. To wipe the world of the threat Thanos and his army pose he needs all the Stones.

The Children of Thanos (when they come to check in) always said he could erase fifty percent of all life with a snap of his fingers.

How poetic.

How fitting that Loki will snap his fingers and wipe them from the universe, quick, painless, but not at all at random.

Merciful to what he could do.

All he needs is a gauntlet of his own and a few years.

Loki locked himself into the plan he created as he sat in Asgard. “S.H.I.E.L.D has it.”

“Shield?” Thanos asked and took a deep breath.

“It’s an acronym, Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division.”   

“How do you know.”

“I’ve been there.”

“Seen it?”

Loki smirked and this wasn’t even lying yet the thrill of trickery rose in his veins. “Touched it.”

* * *

 

Thanos showed him how to work the Scepter.

“You cannot doubt yourself when taking control of another, especially over such a vast distance,” Thanos said, the ground creaked under his weight.

“I know how to concentrate.” Loki knew the Scepter was like nothing else, how it drew you in, amplified your negative emotions.

“Earthlings are weak and you have command of an army.”

“Are we going to stand around and state the obvious,” Loki smirked, sass was an easy way to show confidence and Thanos needed to be confident in him. “Or are you going to show me how to use it.”

“Besides concentration, it’s pretty easy. It can also release blasts of...

Loki was such a quick study.

Thanos practiced on Loki, pressed the tip of the Scepter against Loki’s heart and Loki felt his stings taken in Thanos’ hands and he was made to dance.

“Tell me about your brother?”

And Loki had been expecting this, Thanos had always wanted to know why wanted Loki revenge against his brother.

He had “children” of his own.

“He was the favorite,” Loki said. Deep inside his training was coming to play, all the spells in place to keep him from giving away too much information. “Always meant to be King.”

“What will you do to him if you see him again?”

“Death on the horizon for Thor.”

It was.

When the ship is blown apart and he is choked on the cold, stale air of the open universe.

His magic was strong but this was an Infinity Stone and you have to succumb to it and that's apart of the spells, to simply answer with a truth but not anyone that will reveal himself.

“And your father. Odin.”

“The same.”

Thanos smiled and let Loki lose of the spell and Loki was thankful, unsure if his spells designed based on his knowledge of how the Scepter looks for control would hold up much longer.

It wasn't long before Loki was granted the Scepter and time was funky here but a few weeks chained up then a few training had him here for two to three months.

There was a catch as with most things. A tie to the Other through the Scepter, like a parent keeping tabs on their child. A baby monitor, but there was no love. Only greed.

Loki and the Other were connected so they could contact each other (so he was told upfront but it also means the Other can cause him great pain if he gets off track) no matter the distance.

Anger and hate tied together and it fueled Loki, each time he bore the Scepter it reached into his mind and pulled at the revenge he sought.

Thanos left his mind at ease for the Other’s plan.

Loki’s mind was yelling, screaming, singing a song conducted by the Scepter.

Erik Selvig’s mind was easy, even from a distance Loki took control, he made Selvig move through S.H.I.E.L.D. take the offer to uncover the secrets of the Tesseract.

According to his new slave, Thor had gone home, lifted his hammer rather anticlimactically, though small deeds and a changed outlook, he just called to it and it came. There were cheers. Loki felt the ghost of comfort.    

He waited for the right moment when it would be stable enough.

Days passed.

Weeks.

But time didn't matter.

The Scepter whispered in his thoughts anytime he touched it.

But the Other didn’t like waiting.  

“I was a king! The rightful king of Asgard. Betrayed,” Loki said and he felt like he was going mad, sleep couldn’t be found and dark circles burned into his flesh. But oh how he’d enjoyed this conversation, using his power.

"Your ambition is little, born of childish need. We look beyond the Earth to greater worlds the Tesseract will unveil."

"You don't have the Tesseract yet. I don't threaten, but until I open the doors until your force is mine to command, you are but words."

It was a little early for the conversation but Loki didn’t care.

The Other didn’t cause him pain. Loki was right, it felt good. In a time where pleasure is rare, Loki drank it up.

* * *

 

Frigga reached out and the Other was busy, she found him in the depths of the Void, adrift in the Chitauri Asteroid field.

A projection of Frigga appeared and Loki was grateful the Other wasn’t skilled in even reading basic emotions through the bond, for his heart felt like breaking.

Rage and revenge were fueled but so was his heartbreak when he saw her, felt her magic. Light and warm.

“Oh, my boy,” Frigga looked horrified and Loki hadn’t looked in a mirror in a few days but he could picture what she saw.

Skinny and paler than he should be, oily hair touching his shoulders. Exhausted eyes, ringed in red and framed in black.

There was a reason he hadn’t looked in a mirror, sleep was tortured with nightmares and he could never escape. He loosely held the Scepter, he had to keep tabs on the scientists.  

“What have they done to you?” Frigga reached forward and her hand went through him as she tried to touch his cheek.

“I don’t need your pity,” Loki snapped. Frigga didn’t look fazed by his outburst.

Loki chose this, it ate at him, took away any semblance of recovery from him. Anger and hate were like a tsunami in his head and it took everything for him not to totally fall into the water, be swept up by the wind.

“I’m fine,” he managed after a long silence.

“No, you’re not.”

“I can’t back out.”

Frigga looked down. “There was damage but no one died when you opened the Bifrost on Jotunheim. It was the perfect cover for falling.” There were tears in her eyes. “My clever boy.”

“There's going to be death.”

“I know,” she smiled. “Even Midgardians would give their lives for the safety of others in the future."

Stark climbing higher, from his view crushed on the ground it was like a final stab.

“I’m counting on it,” Loki looked around, the Scepter was clutched in his hand, his nails dug into his palms. “You have to go and you can’t come back.”

“I’ll do what I want,” she said but she started to fade.

 _I’m sorry_ and _Thank you_ were too weak but the wordsmith couldn’t think of anything else to say but “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, my dear.”

The tears burned like acid.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So good news everyone since life isn’t that hectic I have an updated schedule. It's every other Sunday (maybe Saturday or Friday depending on how big it is) so the next chapter should be up by June 9th.
> 
> I’m always looking for a beta reader so if you’re interested my tumblr is [@bread-loving-fangirl](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/breadlovingfangirl)  and my email is annhamilton1107@gmail.com  but you can also just hit me up to talk.
> 
> Thanks for reading and happy memorial day.


	11. Dripping red ledgers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> his guys so this is a little early but I'm going to be busy this weekend so an early present.  
> Warning for violence but no more than canon.

 

Loki had planted the seeds and he hoped it paid off. He had waited as long as he could.

He nodded at the Other as he readied the portal, utilizing the Tesseract’s energy and focusing it. Selvig was a great help as he opened the portal into S.H.I.E.L.D. and the first time since tipping off S.H.I.E.L.D about the exacts of how the Tesseract could be used as power core and be used practically, he was useful to Loki’s plan again.  

But he had warned Fury what seemed like ages ago and they were ready when he came out of the portal, Scepter in hand.

Bulky guns were aimed at him. Loki waited as alarms sounded and constant around the clock watch of the Tesseract Loki should have no way of knowing was there since Fury and only a select few knew of their full power. 

And they fired the Tesseract-powered guns. 

“Loki,” Fury yelled, his shock carefully covered in front of other agents. “Of Asgard,” he added 

Loki was frozen in a dome of their power, it was paralyzing at first and Loki thanked the fates or whoever was watching down on him. It hurt badly but it hardly matters as the electric power of the guns made his body regain movement and convulse. The Scepter fell from his eggshell fingers. 

“I don’t suppose you come in peace,” Fury asked, only slightly sassy. 

Loki opens his mouth and Fury laughed.

“Shoot him again.” 

An Agent did just that and Loki smiled as he passed out. 

Loki woke up in the same cell they had held him in before, glass and round and for the Hulk. Not able to drop from the sky but Loki was sure it had some kind of failsafe. 

He would feel embarrassed but the ends justify the means. He needs to look like a failure, not a betrayer. 

With the Scepter taken from him, the weight on his chest eased. If he was really with the Other he would come up with a plan, trick someone into letting him go but he sat down on the ground (this cage had nothing to sit on) and was in the middle of a boring room.

The Tesseract-powered guns were perfect, just like he wanted. Fury had truly taken his warning and made sure the Tesseract had an extra layer of protection. 

He heard Fury’s footsteps as he rounded the corner, making no attempt at stealth. 

“Enjoy your hour nap, princess ” Fury greeted, Loki didn’t move. “You see I always told myself not to be too cocky. It gets a little too easy to be when things are going your way, though.”

Loki’s lips pulled into a smirk. “It was a true warning.” 

“No shit, the Tesseract could have been taken if I hadn’t made sure I prepared for an intergalactic foe.” 

“But this isn’t your first time dealing with one,” Loki guessed, he seemed rather chill about aliens. 

“No. It’s not.”

“Care to share?” Loki was genuinely curious. The need for knowledge so strong it's surprising. He hadn’t felt this way in a long while. 

“There was a woman, from Earth but in an accident got powers from the Cube and was taken by aliens and forgot everything from her past and ended up back here. Not without causing trouble and getting me mixed up in some space war.” 

“Does she have a name?” 

“Carol Danvers.” 

“But you two don’t keep in touch.” 

“She's hard to contact busy with the other words. She said she would do her best to protect Earth even from afar, from the whole space war over the Cube.”

“Call her,” Loki said. “This war is hardly over.’

“You know you’re a criminal right,” Fury’s one eye stared at him. “You’re mocking warning saved you from a greater sentence but you’re the one who was trying to steal from S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“I’m not stupid,” Loki stood up. His body ached from the blast. “Although you might have been not to guard the Tesseract so heavily before my waring.” 

“You may be the foolish one,” Fury said. “I didn't think that wasting resources on something no really knew was ours would be a bad idea. And the guns took a lot of time to make and no one could quite figure it out for some time. But you ruined that with your Infinity Stone bullshit and interest.’ 

“Ever think why is the Norns name would I do that.”

“Oh, I know why.” Fury crossed his arms over his chest, analyzing Loki and Loki let him look. “Because you wanted to be caught. 

Loki nodded and watched the gears in Fury’s head spin. “Why would I do that?” 

“Because you’re a motherfucking snake,” Fury smiled, no softness, only a flash of teeth. “And I don’t like snakes.” 

Loki crept closer to the glass.“Well, I suppose you have to keep me unless you want to let me go.”

“We’ll find a way to contact Thor.”

“No need,” Loki wanted nothing more than to fall to the ground and rest. But the job wasn’t over. “I’m sure Heimdall is seeing this and report back to him.”

“You don’t seem too concerned.” 

Loki laughed. “You have no idea what is at play.” 

“Maybe not but I adapt well.” 

“Isn’t that all a man can hope for.” 

Fury gave a small shake of his head. “I want to understand but you don’t seem in the mood for sharing.” 

“I will in due time,” Loki said his eyes flashed to the side of his cell where Agent Romanoff stood, her arms across her chest and not a hair out of place. Sunk in through the back door.

“This is why I had to come back from my mission,” she surveyed him quickly. “A twink with a Scepter came through the Cube.”

“I object to being called a _ twink,”  _ Loki said. “Whatever that is.”

“You’re a little older than the average twink but still think it works,” Romanoff mused like this was normal and she was unfazed by something she had never even thought to prepare herself for.

“I’m centuries old.” 

“Impressive skincare routine,” Romanoff and Fury shared a look that couldn’t be deciphered, born of years working together. Romanoff peeled herself away from the shadows coming to stand by Fury’s side. 

“You see,” Romanoff clasped her hands behind her back, looking up at him. “I don’t care how old you are. I care about what you want.” 

“My desires are layered,” Loki gave her a wink but she didn’t unzip her catsuit or stick her chest out. 

She stood like a statue, figuring out her play. Fury excused himself without fanfare but Loki paid him no attention.

Snake versus Spider.

He wouldn’t underestimate her again. 

“So are mine,” she said in her usual raspy voice. “But none of them are letting you out.” 

“I didn’t expect you too.”

“Oh but you want something from me,” her voice was like stone against stone. “I saw how you reacted when I entered.” 

“How was that?” 

“Like we know each other,” she moved closer didn’t take her eyes off him. “Like you know what I can do.” 

“You have a very special skill set,” he said. He didn’t take his eyes off Romanoff either. Not backing down from the almost childish stare off. 

“You must have done your research,” she tilted her head to the side, her hands moved to her weapons stabbed in her thigh holsters. Loki’s eyes follow the movement. “Enough to know about the special guns.”

“Did you know about them, Agent Romanoff?” he asked, she made no reaction to his words but he knew they hit in a small weak point of her compose. 

“I trust Fury,” she said instead of answering the question, skipping straight to want he meant by the question. “I don’t need to know all the going on's of S.H.I.E.L.D. I’m not that naive.” 

“I never said you were,” Loki countered. “I’m just saying,” Loki shrugged and raised his hands with his shoulders. “It must bother you that you have no idea who you are really working for.” 

“I do, the good guys.”

“The good guys?” Loki pulled the words from her mouth and spit them back at her, dripping is sass and malice. “Would you even know if they weren’t.” 

“Well, as good as a corporation can be,” Romanoff drawled, nonchalance in her shoulders. “I’m am in no position to take the moral high ground.” 

“No, you’re not.” 

“Neither are you,” she reminded him and straightened her posture and pried her hands from her thigh holsters to cross over her chest. “Yet here we are. Talking of trust with none between us.”

“Is that what you want?” Loki asked. “Trust. After being used so much in your past, after seeing so much you would think it would become second nature to not care for it. Not to even know what trust is.”

She didn’t flinch. “I have red in my ledger. I’m not proud of some of it but I did it to survive.”

“And you think this,” he gestured to the outside of the cage like he was encapsulating all of S.H.I.E.L.D in one sweep of a hand. “Can clear it.”

“I don’t care,” she said even though it's one of the only things she cares about. Distancing herself from the KGB. Making up for her past by doing good, living by her code she created out of desperation to feel human again. 

They were both raised as weapons. 

Against Jotunheim or the USA, it didn’t matter.

“What about you?” she said, her voice gave away nothing of her emotions and neither did her face. “I can tell you have red in your ledger.”

“You’re not wrong,” he admitted. “But what is it you want from me.” 

“I just want to talk,” Romanoff said like they were getting coffee at a corner shop and not in a dark room talking between the walls of a cage. “What do you want from me?” 

“Just to talk.” 

Romanoff stepped back lowered herself to the ground. “How about we sit down, a little less formal,” she stayed in a crouch and Loki mimicked her. She dropped down to sit on the ground first, one knee up and the other leg kicked out in front of her, one arm rested on her knee and the other pressed on her thigh. Loki leaned to the side and settled his side against the glass, both legs stretched in front of him and hands folded in his lap. He turned his head to see her.

“Comfortable?” she asked and he knew this was a game and he was following along. 

“Very.”

“What’s your favorite color?” she asked. Somehow she kept a completely serious expression at the absurd question. 

“Why?”

“I want to get to know you.”

Loki didn’t let memories overtake him. It was stupid; just a color. But on Asgard colors mean something.

“Gold,” he whispered but in the quiet room, it didn’t matter. They could hear each other’s breaths. 

“Really. I thought it was green,” she moved her hand over the general shape of his body and his black and green outfit. 

“What is yours?” he asked, making idle conversation while it lasted.

She tucked a strand of her short hair behind her ear. “Red.” 

“So fitting.” 

“It's a nice color outside of blood.” 

By social standards, he should ask the next question but she beats him too it. 

“Have you ever killed someone?” Her eyes are far away and he wonders how much of its an act and how much is purposely shown to manipulate him. “Not mindless space creatures, sentient beings, with thoughts and feelings,” she added like an afterthought.

Loki ignored the flashes of faces. “Yes,” he knew she already knew the answer, the red that dripped from both their ledgers was filled with murders. 

“Your first time?” 

“You first.”

“A run of the mill mission, one of my early ones, to get information, went south.” Her voice was a little breathy but she didn’t seem reluctant. “I had to take out the person who figured out what I was doing. I don’t know if he was a bad person,” her fingers tap at her knee, her face broke for a moment, “but it doesn’t matter. Can’t change the past.” 

Loki almost laughed at the irony. She could be lying but it didn’t matter. “I’ve fought in battles for centuries. I don’t remember my first. People die in wars.” 

“Oh, I know. I should have clarified. The first time you killed someone in cold blood.” 

“It was in the mountains of Niðavellir, land of the  dwarves,” Loki started, he would tell the truth but no details, he had a feeling she told him the truth too. “A battle against some foes, slimy beasts, that had been attacking the villages around it and causing fear, so we traveled there looking for a good fight  and we thought we had gotten all of them but a few snuck away to village and I aimed my knives at mindless creatures but it moved struck a villager who was running away.”

* * *

 

_ “I’m sorry,” Loki said and he dropped to the cold ground, the dirt and blood stained his fingers. The slime-covered creature laid on the ground. Dead. The villager laid gasping and twitching. “I’m sorry.”  _

_ “Loki,” Thor called and ran to Loki’s side. Mjolnir in his hand. His hands not stained with blood.  _

_ Loki pressed on the wound on the villager’s stomach, he took the knife out quickly without taking the pressure off it. His knife gleamed with the residue of poison. _

_ “Help me,” Loki’s resolve was breaking, he had prided himself on being the one to keep his head in stressful situations but this man was innocent. Not on the side he was fighting against, He had not willingly gone into battle.  _

_ “Loki,” Thor said again and Loki wished he could be far from his body. But he felt everything, the blood under his fingers, sticky and warm. The puffy swelling skin around the wound. Tears on his eyelashes. The lack of breathing from the villager. They dying battle and people cheering. Victory.  _

_ But Loki didn’t feel any sense of victory. “Damn it, Thor,” Loki said his voice raising. “Help me.”  _

_ Thor crouched by the villager’s side and took Loki’s hands, the red blood was thick and it clung to Loki’s hands and wrists and got all over Thor. He pulled Loki back and the Warriors Three were looking at them now. Sif too had noticed. _

_ Loki felt weak like he was going the throw-up or  Or both. Nothing was right. His own skin felt wrong like he was wasn't wearing it right, twisted and uncomfortable. He wished the blood that stained his hands was acid. _

_ He snatched his hands from Thor’s and whipped them on his pants. He didn’t want to look weak. He closed the dwarves’ eyes and shut his own, the rising sun too much. _

_ He stood up on unsteady legs and Thor wrapped an arm around his shoulder, his head dropped into Loki’s shoulder and he whispered reassurances. _

_ Loki felt weak because of the eyes on him but they must put the pieces together and hang their heads.  Loki turned into Thor and his brother's arms wrapped around him. He pressed his face against Thor’s shoulder and the blonde hair tingled his face and he smelled like blood and slime but it didn’t matter.   _

_ “It’s okay,” Thor whispered in Loki’s ear and Loki distantly felt himself shaking and tears rolling down his cheeks. “It’ll be okay,” Thor’s hand came up to brace against Loki’s neck, it was still humming with electricity. Thor pulled back so he could look into Loki’s eyes. “You hear me, brother.”  _

_ Loki blinked some of the tears away and nodded.  _

* * *

 

Romanoff nodded. She looked like she perfectly in her element even though he is sure she had images of her first kill in her head.

Loki’s jaw was clenched so tight he could feel a vein twitch. “What do you want from me?” 

Romanoff leaned forward, her head tilted down. “To talk.”

“But your job isn’t to talk.”

“And what is your job?” she asked. “It’s not to get captured.” 

“No,” Loki agreed, still a little shaken from the memory, even if he hadn’t told her it, the memory still hit him, forceful and demanding to be remembered. Crawling into his head and not letting him forget the way his knife sailed through the air and landed in the dwarves’ stomach, the startled gasp from his lips. “It never is.”

He wondered if it hit Romanoff as strongly, she had less time to get over it. Or at least get better at pushing it down since you never really get over it.

“You don’t strike me as an employed man.” 

“Sometimes you need people to help you get what you want.” 

“Sometimes people need you,” Romanoff added and so many similarities between them were making themselves known in the air. 

“Yes,” Loki said, he was a little too tired to gloat but it did feel good when you're needed. 

Romanoff hummed in agreement and stood up, she brought her hand up to mouth but she didn’t scratch her face, she talked into her wrist. “Loki isn’t working alone,” she turned her back to him and made her way to the door. “He may be a distraction. Or someone will come for him and complete the plan.” 

Loki jumped to his feet recounting the conversation. 

“I would have told you if you asked,” Loki yelled after her. They weren’t enemies but no one knew that.

“But how would I have known you were telling the truth?” She turned her head over her shoulder to look back at him. “Thank you, for your cooperation.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so like trying to think like Loki was already hard but jeez trying to think like Nat and have them trying to outplay each other was fun and i think i gained brain cells or something.


	12. The Nature of Heros and Monsters

Loki knew what it was like to question everything. From his family to his mind, to the nature of heroes and monsters. There was a man, the one in the cell in front of his in the Sanctuary, another possible bearer of the Scepter and undertaker of the mission. Loki had always wondered how he ended up in the cell.

It didn’t really matter, Loki supposed as he paced his cell. The trails broke the man, he would bang his head on the cell bars endlessly. Only is ankles were tied to the floor, Loki was hung against the wall, unable to sit but he never envied the man who sat at the bars. 

He would mumble to himself. A relatively young man who looked the same age as Thor (around his late twenties by Midgard standards but could be any age depending on how fast his kind age) and Loki could still hear it, a haunting whisper,  _ Mamma, Mamma, Mamma.  _

He was taken from his cell every day, right before Loki himself would be taken, he was much further through his trails. He was killed in what Loki guessed was a few days after he arrived. He wished the man had been there this time over, Loki had waited too long. He didn’t know exactly why he wanted to talk to him, maybe to thank him, his simple company was almost helpful, not leaving Loki alone with his philosophical questions (even though they only talked a few times). Heartbreaking, the cruel twist of the knife his death caused was a harsh introduction Loki had to the Void.

Now Loki was waiting, alone. It seemed like he was inclined to do, lately, wait for the Midgardian’s to get their shit together and use their greatest weapon and wait and wait. Waiting for Odin. Now he was waiting on Thor.

After what felt like a few hours, the doors were being shoved open and a very angry looking Thor stood in the empty room. Agents held the doors open but shut them after a few moments. Cameras watched them but they were alone.

“Loki,” Thor said, his tone even and he looks calm and collected. But Loki knows they are both on edge. 

Loki smiled like this was a simple greeting. “Thor, good to see you.” 

“What have you done?” 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Well really nothing,” Loki leaned against the side of the glass barrier, so he could still face Thor, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yet.” 

“You threatened the Tesseract,” Thor pointed out. “You and whoever you’re working with have every intent to do harm.”

“I suppose this is the part where I apologize. Go down on my knees and beg.”

“You were dead. I thought you were dead.” 

“I realized.”  

“You don’t understand,” Thor’s voice and his body were so tense that Loki thought he might start to shake and his voice falter. 

“I do.” 

“You don’t.” 

Loki pushed off the wall, moved closer to Thor. “Go on, Thor, ask it.” 

Thor hesitated. “Why didn’t you come back?” 

“I couldn’t.”

“Why?” Thor said, getting from aggravated at Loki’s answers. “What stopped you.” 

“It doesn’t matter.”

Thor dropped his head, he ran a hand through his loose hair. “It does.” 

“Not anymore.”

“Loki it will make it easier on both of us if just answer my questions.” 

Thor’s words weren’t like his, Loki’s were always knives, sharpened with wit and whatever Loki was feeling. Thor’s words were like waves, strong, overwhelming waves that crash into the sand and pour over Loki, a force so powerful but not as focused as a sharp point of a knife. And the waves were salted with anger and pushed forth with desperation.

Loki forced himself to breathe. From head to toe his bones ached with pain so deep even days of sleep couldn’t fix, his mind and heart under a constant pressure he can’t get rid of.

He mouth was so dry it was cracking, his tongue and teeth splintering, the pieces drifted down his throat and he choked on them.

“Thor,” he said because it was simple enough for his broken voice to say without seeming like it was shattered.

“Loki,” Thor mimicked, his voice formal. “Why didn’t you come back, we could have fixed it, your crimes are forgivable.” 

“Oh right, the thing with the Bifrost, Odin was so quick behind me,” Loki said, a great struggle to keep the fault lines in his voice from shaking. “But it could have done so much worse than halting travel for a second and damaging some rock. Or, could you be talking about how I let in the Frost Giants.” 

Thor didn’t seem fazed by the list of Loki’s past crimes. “With some punishment, of course, we could move on, the AllFather is merciful. 

“And are you?”  

“If you would show remorse,” Thor said carefully, considering his words, his opinion, what Loki wants to hear. “I would forgive you.”

“So mature.” 

“You could get lighter sentences if you give up the information on who you're working with.” 

Thor’s eyes were bright, he didn’t have dark circles like Loki, who had them burned into his skin. He was always so bright, like a star was within his veins, in his heart. Loki always thought himself to be dark, shades of grey and since the Void a certain emptiness in his eyes when he looks in the mirror. 

“I believe I have a right to remain silent,” Loki said. “Pleading the fifth, right?” 

Thor watched him for a moment, Loki wondered what he saw, what he thinks he sees in Loki’s eyes. 

“Father will have you speak,” Thor pointed out. “You will in Asgard if you know what's best for you.” 

“We’ll see,” Loki said, he had every plan to spill his guts to the council, eager to get into the endgame of his master plan. 

Thor turned tail, muttering to himself and went through the door with an echoing bang. 

* * *

Loki was cuffed up and muzzled, in the Asgardian styled chains, locked around his neck and waist, ankles, and wrists. Thor must have brought, he was also very smartly on S.H.I.E.L.D’s part, blindfolded. He knew this facility inside and out but it was a nice gesture. He was lead through the halls and many doors before he was outside and the blindfold was ripped off his head.

The bright sun burned his eyes and Loki shut them. He opened his eyes slowly and let them adjust, he could have fallen to his knees when he saw what Thor had in his hands. 

A  big black box, up to Thor’s hip, marked with a sigil of interlocking strands. 

_ “For transportation,” Thor must of have told him. “My father said the Tesseract could cause damage if moved _ .” 

_ “We’ve been transporting it just fine as is,” Fury might have said, a little hesitant to give over one of his greatest assets, but he must know it will only cause more harm than good, and he won’t even need more powered guns since no one will care. For the safety of his agents and his planet. _

_ “Interdimensional travel is different,” Thor should have said, or at least something like that, fead from Odin’s lips. _

Inside should be perfectly put together with stabilizing materials in coils and silver blocks for stabilization that filled both sides of the case that would lock together, save for a cube outline in the middle of one side. It’s activated with a  hidden switch (Thor was told by Odin it’s automatic) much less bulky than the previous machine Loki had his people assemble but it would work. The Tesseract had to be inside, Thor grabbed Loki’s arm, ready to transport them. 

Loki shifted his wrists at the right angle and the cuffs fell away, he held them close to his body and  he sent out many illusions, of himself and the Cube and disappeared from sight, Fury reached for his gun and Loki stole the case from Thor’s grip as he was distracted with summoning his hammer.

His feet pounded the pavement, tired and aching as he was he bolted, the chains clanked against him and he pulled the ones around his feet off, his neck and waist could wait. Thor wasn’t clued in on his and Odin’s plan for this phase and something inside told Loki he wouldn’t believe it from Loki’s lips. 

He ran into the employee parking lot, he didn’t have time to get anywhere else and chose a nice dark car, his magic opened it and he didn’t know much about driving but he knew the pedal on the right drove and you turn with the wheel, the tires squealed on the pavement and the chaos of the illusions were being shattered and Thor’s eyes were on the car. 

The case was safe in the passenger's seat. He needed to look like a failure to the Other, fail far worse than getting captured.

Loki hit the car behind him while he backed out and pushed the pedal into the floor of the car and speed out of the parking lot and down the road, he took his hands off the wheel and wedged his fingers into the small dent and pulled the key out of the compartment of the very fake Asgardian cuffs that Thor thought would dampen his power. He unlocked around his hips and neck and pulled out a small circle off the side of the collar and opened the window. 

He put a hand on the wheel to keep himself steady and Thor had taken flight, electricity over his hammer and up to his arm. Loki pressed the small button and threw the disc at Thor and he was taken by foreign shocks of electricity that made his own power flare up and scatter into nothingness and his body fall to the ground. 

A knocked out God of Thunder didn’t stop the S.H.I.E.L.D agents from tailing him in their cars. Before they could even fire their guns Loki reached into the console of this agent's car and found a handgun. 

He shot behind him, using a little magic he guided the bullet through the back window and right into a woman in the car behind him’s shoulder. She pulled off to the side, semi blocking the road and groaned in pain. The fancy Tesseract guns were locked inside, they thought Thor would be enough but little did they know trickster always had tricks up his sleeve.

Gunfire sprayed over his car, hitting the tires and shattering the back window, even more, nearly hitting Loki. He pulled off another what was supposed to be a power dampening disc on the ankle cuffs and pressed the barely there button and threw it behind him, guided it behind him and this one did something much different. 

It landed on the ground and shockwaves rattled the earth around,  it split the ground, the road cracked and the ground split and Loki watched as the car quickly braked and turned to drive around it but Loki had already pulled another circular disc from the cuffs, this time from the wrist and threw it back. The car was zapped with the electricity and so were two behind it. He was going as fast as this car allowed,  around 140 miles per hour, the wind whipped at him and more cars were veering around the large crack in the road and Lok unlatched the case and took the Tesseract in his hand. 

He let the power flow through him, it was like getting recharged, the pure power shot through him and he slammed his foot on the brake and shot a blast of power back at the cars, non lethal and was like a wall, it stopped the cars from coming forward and overpowered the systems to crash and spark. 

The people dived out of their cars, fiery explosions from the first row of cars stopped the ones behind it and some fell into the ravine and Loki hit the gas and drove off, taking random turns and quickly covering himself and the bullet-riddled car in an illusion as he put distance between him the smoldering cars. 

He made it to the highway and finally allowed himself to breathe, he slowed down to a normal 75 miles per hour and drove well into the night, taking a random exit to a small Virginia town  and kept going until he stopped at a motel to spend the night in, changing leaves to look like dollars and paying for a cheap night. 

He took a map from the desk and looked for the closest airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise Loki isn't evil, it's all apart of the Plan. 
> 
> Next Chapter July 7th.


	13. It's never quiet in New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so if you noticed that suddenly the work is completed at 13 chapters that is because I'm spitting this into three parts, it's the Deal series and the next one is going to be titled Signed In Blood. I figured since this one is set at the end of Phase 1 for the MCU and it's kind of the end to my own phase 1 I'll split the whole work into three parts, since Loki's plan has three major phases.

 

The airport had been bright, stuffy, after only a few hours of nightmare fueled sleep Loki was aching and tired and near the end of his rope. He got the first nonstop trip to New York City.

 He knocked on the sturdy wooden door of the Sanctum. The Ancient One answered the door, wearing her signature battle yellow outfit. The Time Stone in the Eye of Agamotto hung around her neck.

She doesn’t look surprised. “Loki.”

Loki gave a small bow of his head. “The Ancient One.”

“A little late.” 

“Traffic was terrible.” 

“Want some tea.”

“Of course,” Loki took a step in, it was empty of people on the lower floor and she led him to the red leather couch in a back room. 

Tea appeared, in white cups crisscrossed with blue and a matching teapot, on the slate coffee table. She crossed her legs and took a cup carefully in her smooth, but old hands.

She took a long sip. “Ask it.” 

Loki picked up a steaming cup of his own and held it’s warmth in his hands. “Will you help me?” 

“I know what’s at stake,” she said. A not answer but Loki waited, patient. “The universe to be free from The Black Order, from Thanos’ will.  But I also know the risk.”

“I do too.”

“I could be worse than fifty percent of all life dying. It could be total destruction.” 

Loki took a sip of the scalding tea, it was green tea with a hint of honey. “I know.”

The Ancient One considered him for a moment. “I knew you were coming when I glanced at the future, you were one of the sure things to happen. I also looked at all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict, the trillions of possibilities, countless horrors.”

“How many times does my plan work?” Loki asked, all the air was sucked out of the room, everyone else from the world, there was only the Ancient One, Loki, and the answer to his question.  

“One.” 

Loki looked at her helplessly. “One?” He sighed and set the ceramic cup, his hands cold again. “Only one?”

She nodded. “I cannot tell you how it happens. That would ruin it.”

“Can you tell me how I was  _ blasted into the past _ ?”

“I don’t know. It’s above my position.” 

“And who is above you?” Loki asked, not expecting a true answer. Truthfully he was still tired and his plan was seeming like an endless field and he was just trying to get to the other side.

“Very few. A very powerful few. I know next to nothing about them, I will not risk my life to find out, I have people to take care of.” 

Loki’s jaw was clenched so tight he could feel a vein jump and tension in his teeth. “Could I meet one.” 

“I have no way of contacting them,” the Ancient One carefully set down her cup of tea, her fingers danced in the handle. “And I assume bargaining with them comes at a steep price.” 

“I would pay it.” 

The Ancient One kept silent, she poured herself more tea even though her cup was barely empty. Loki wanted to yell and scream and cry but there was no time for that, he’d long since learned how to bury all those thoughts. He forced a breath through his lungs. 

“Will you help me?” Loki asked again.

The Ancient One did take a sip of her re-filled tea. “I will.” 

* * *

_ Thor laughed as Loki figured out his plan in the mock war game they played, their goblets were filled with wine and so was Thor’s stomach. The candles were lit as they played on the floor of a lounge, there were chairs and even a table but they both felt the need to outstretch unprincely on the floor. _

_ They leaned against the wall, the figurines between them, thank the fates for the wall or Thor would have tipped over. Loki only had a few sips of the wine, it’s not really up to his taste. _

_ “Why are you laughing?” Loki asked, his head rolled against the wall to look at Thor. “You lost.” _

_ Thor smiled, his head turned to face Loki, he raised a finger and pointed it at Loki’s brow. “D—W—Wh—H—Do you,” his clumsy finger pushed into Loki’s skin, Thor huffed. “Do you ever get tired of being so smart.”  _

_ Loki had laughed and pried Thor’s finger from his head. “Why would I?” _

_ Thor fumbled with his words for a moment, he picked up his goblet, adorned with rubies. He drank like that would help gather his thoughts. The wine sloshed in his cup as he gestured to Loki. “They say; ignorance is bliss.”  _

_ Loki shook his head. “I would always rather know. Knowledge has a price and I’ll pay it.” Knowledge had been his crutch, been his way to stand out, he would never be and strongest but he could be the smartest.  _

* * *

Loki stood out on the streets of New York, it was nothing like Asgard, cars honked and people scurried about. It was so easy to blend into the crowd. 

He had figured out Thor’s play by getting into his head so he imagined he was Fury, an alien was dangerous and on the loose with the Tesseract, it would be a good enough cause to assemble the Avengers. 

On the Helicarrier of course, their facility had been compromised and they needed to be mobile for when Banner would find the Tesseract.  

He assumed that the Avengers had already been assembled and were on the Helicarrier hovering over Atlantic, close to the eastern coast.

He walked along the New York streets, to shining Stark Tower. As he entered using a bit of magic to cover his tracks, and snuck into an elevator that opened to let in an old man.

“Hello,” an old man said, white hair, mustache, glasses, and a crisp suit, he carried a briefcase and smiled at Loki. Except that Loki was invisible to Midgardians around, the elevator doors shut. “What floor?” the man asked. Everything about him was familiar. 

Loki opened and closed his mouth stupidly. He looked at the buttons, the highest one; “Ninety-three.” 

The man hit ninety-three and thirty-six for himself. Loki puzzled how the man could see him, not even Heimdall could see through his illusions. 

Before Loki could ask the elevator moved so fast it was already at floor thirty-six, the doors opened and the man stepped out. He nodded at Loki. “Good luck, Loki.”

 The elevator doors slammed shut before Loki could say anything, the elevator hauled Loki to top floor, he bypassed all security, even the AI, JARVIS—if he recalls the name correctly. 

He took the steps from the top floor to the roof level, only a flight and soon he would be above all of New York, Loki didn’t really care.  

It was a nice view but Loki wasn’t under the illusion that he would have it to rule. Even then the Chituari would destroy most of it, the skyscrapers, the canyons, all the wonders of this world. Loki stepped close to the edge, he wouldn’t jump but he savored the freedom of being so high, the wind cutting into him. 

He turned and summoned the suitcase from his pocket dimension. He set the suitcase down, he flipped it on and at the top two holes were burnt into the suitcase, a wormhole split down the bright blue sky with blue streaks up to a circle that opened to the dark of space. 

 Loki stepped back and waited, he heard distant screams, evacuation calls on the building he stood atop of. The Midgardians ran, some even got out of their cars. Sirens rang and the Helicarrier must be getting notice of this, Loki heart raced and he hoped the Ancient One was ready.  

He noticed that some didn’t. Some stayed, helping get the others out. 

He turned on his burner phone and called The Ancient One.

The plan was for her to portal onto the Helicarrier and deploy the missiles, of course, she would use her magic to get past all security and walls. Then she was to open a portal to just outside of New York and shoot it forward to get the entire missile jet, then portal herself in and deploy the actual missile.

Loki was above the screams but they were like a terrible chorus to him, clawing at his resolve. The first Chitarai vessel was starting to make its way down, slithering and moving like an oversized fish. 

She picked up the phone and Loki held it to his ear.  “Is it released.” 

“Yes,” she said over the line. “Stark and Thor have flown out, they just passed me and gaining on the missile.” 

Loki stared at the horizon, he hoped Stark was thinking about what he needed to. “How long until it explodes?” 

 “One minute and fifty seconds. Forty-nine.”

“Come on Stark,” Loki said, he craned his neck to the Chitarai vessel reaching the opening, under the Other’s command since Loki didn’t have the Scepter, a needed loss, to break the connection between him and the Other and to get captured by S.H.I.E.L.D. and so that Midgard can keep it and make the Maximoff twins and maybe even the Vision. He’d kept tabs on earth while he was king. 

Loki watched and he smiled when he heard the boom of thunder, the darkening of the skies, a crack of lighting and a shadow of Thor with Iron Man behind him, a missile in his metal hands. 

Thor is covered in flashes of lighting, his hammer sparking too and leading him in flight as he got closer to the emerging Chitarai vessel. 

The hammer met the front, the brute strength shaking the vessel and lighting singed it, Thor hit his hammer against it again, pushed it back, no into the wormhole, where Stark flew into, but back over the buildings that lined the city.

He hit it back farther, further crushing the outer shell, the remaining warriors were starting to jump but Thor sent another blast of lighting, it cracked the air. Pieces fell like rain over the city and Thor was losing air and getting dangerously close to crashing into the buildings. 

“How long,” Loki yelled into his phone. He turned he gaze from Thor to Stark, who was flying in the wormhole but he didn’t have oxygen in the suit and has around ninety seconds. He still has the full power of his suit. 

“Thirty.” 

Loki wanted to help but the most he could do was keep the portal open, he could barely see in the darkness, the missile hadn’t exploded and as Stark was ready to go back down a Chitarai vessel, smaller than the one Thor was battling  but still large, knocked into him, it had been trying to get down to earth. He spun out. 

His repulsors sprung to life, white-hot and shot at the vessel but Loki was horrified to see the lights dim and the missile exploded, killing the power at the control vessel and the Chitarai warriors. The blast lit fire to some vessels and they started to fall down, ash and broken pieces scattering, some hit Stark and he was falling fast, out of the corner of the wormhole and Loki closed the wormhole, flipped the switch, as he made it back to earth, only some debris making it through the wormhole before it snapped shut. 

Loki watched Stark fall, nothing to catch him, except there was. Thor gave a huge hit the Chitauri and the vessel made it to the water, splashing onto the shore. 

Thor circled his hammer and like an arrow from a bowstring flew it across the city, his large arms wrapped around Stark and coasted them back to the ground, the lights on the suit were dead and damage was visible on the suit, mostly on the chest, where he must have been hit square in the chest by the vessel. 

The arc reactor, the thing that powered his suit and kept him alive. Loki held his breath for Stark and watched, thankful for his long range of vision from being an Asgard/Jotun hybrid with all the magic and shapeshifting.

Thor ripped the helmet from Stark's head, he held his hammer over Stark’s heart and gave a surge of power. Stark gasped awake, unable to move in his broken suit. 

Loki fell to the ground. One of the most important steps of his plan worked. The Black order was left without their large army, for now. 

Stark was saying something and looking down the tattered remains of his suit. He lifted his arms—so not entirely broken. 

Thor spiraled his hammer and it led him up Stark Tower where Loki was sitting on the ground, looking like a mess. He held his hammer ready for battle but Loki just held his hands up in surrender. 

“No tricks,” he promised, he knew to Thor his word meant little but he said it anyway. Thor stepped forward and his rough hand pushed Loki back, rested his immovable hammer on Loki’s chest.

 “I won’t let you use anymore,” Thor vowed, lightning hummed in the air, the power beneath Thor’s fingertips, in his very body, curled tightly against his heart. “You will answer to Odin.”

“Oh, I know that,” Loki closed his eyes, the sun shone through his eyelids. 

“Now,” Thor commanded. “Only Asgard can keep you held captive.” 

“Oh, joy,” Loki said and Thor held onto the handle of the suitcase and crouched down to hold Loki’s shoulder, he summoned his hammer and twisted the handle, still trusting in Odin. 

The Space Stone took them home, right into the golden palace where guards waited with chains and Odin on his throne. 

Loki slumped somehow father into the ground, as they chained him up again—wrists, neck, hips, ankles. He met Odin’s eyes, they showed nothing. Frigga hid her face as well, so did Thor and Loki was too tired to do so.

They hoisted him to his feet, ungracefully and shoved him a few paces forward and pushed him to his knees. Loki’s head was shoved down and guards flanked his sides. Loki smirked and without being bid to a guard slapped a muzzle on his face. 

“Let him speak,” Odin said, his voice echoed in the royal hall, off the stolen gold and the muzzle was removed from Loki’s face.

They had planned all of this ages ago, in Loki’s room before he fell, from the fake chains to how Odin would get all the stabilizing agents while Loki was in the Void and put them in the suitcase he would send with Thor, to getting the Ancient One to help and everything in between. 

But Loki had never practiced what he would stay here; at Odin’s feet with many eyes on him, a traitor, disgraced but not hunted since Thanos would accept that Loki would be held a prisoner for the assassination of Laufey, the Bifrost stunt, failing on Midgard. 

It seemed like a foolish hope to think he would get far enough to have everyone's eyes on him. Taking pleasure and seeing him brought low, a bastard prince of sorts. 

He looked up, his eyes flashed over every face, the servants at the doors, some guests to the throne being held back by guards. Loki smiled and took in their fear, a caged monster is still a monster and fear lingered with satisfaction. 

“I have two requests,” Loki’s voice was rough to his own ears, like stone against stone. “One: some of the jur-berry jam on bread.” Loki licked his lips at the thought of the berries only found on Asgard, the sour and sweet mix of it. “And two: a council with the king and all of his advisors.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so for the next installment, Signed In Blood, throw away the updating schedule since, the opening scene, the council meeting, is something I have been waiting since the start of the fic to write and it's going to be long and I want it perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The line about the person in marriage who pushes is stolen from This is Us


End file.
